- Respondent ID
1.1. Age: 12
- 2. Sex: F
- 3. Parent(s) away: Father.
- 4. Country: Spain.
I: How long did he stay there?
R: About three years, I guess… he stayed… five. I was born when he was here and he left when I was three.
I: Who do you live with now?
R: With my mother, father and little brother.
- Details of Respondent’s life before:
I: Do you remember how it was before he left?
R: It was beautiful, we were together and, yes, it was beautiful.
I: Did you see him every day?
R: When he wasn‘t away, I saw him in every day, but when he was away I saw him less often.
I: What did you best like to do with your father?
R: I liked to play hide and seek. We played in our house. I asked him to count and I was always hiding in the dining room, near the door, each time. When he came up, I jumped: “Boo, I scared you!” (she laughs) We lived in a house.
I: Did you go to the nursery?
R: To the nursery. I used to show him my drawings, tell him what I had done at the nursery, but while I was a pupil, my mother used to help me with my homework.
I: Who took you to school and to the nursery?
R: Mom did and also Grandma, my maternal grandmother.
I: Do you get along well with your grandmother?
R: I did. She passed away.
- Details of Respondent’s life after:
I: Do you remember your first day after your father left?
R: I don‘t, I was too young. I know I was too young and couldn‘t write and asked Mom to write and told her what I wanted her to write.
I: How did she write him? Did she write letters on paper or on the computer?
R: Letters. Hand written letters. We went to the post office to send them.
I: You were three at that time and you don‘t remember how it was.
R: I think it was hard because I always asked where Dad was. A child needs her father. I wondered where he was and I think they had to tell me eventually. I think they didn‘t tell me immediately because it would have been shocking. At a certain moment they told me because I had already known, I was allowed to sit at the computer and could see him on the beach.
I: How often?
R: Every day or every two days, I guess. I don‘t think I could see him all the time, because he worked there.
I: You remained with your mother.
R: Yes, and with my grandmother.
I: How did you get along with them?
R: It was ok, except Dad was absent. That‘s all.
I: Do you also have other relatives? How do you get along with them?
R: Well. They are my relatives. I get along well with them.
I: Do you have any other relatives who went abroad to work?
R: I do. My aunt, my uncle and my cousins are in Canada. But we talk to them every day; once a day, in the evening, because our evening is morning in Canada.
I: Are they relatives on your mother‘s side?
R: Yes, on my mother‘s side. Those on my father‘s side are here in Buzău. We see them almost every day.
I: While your father was away, did you ever need to go to a doctor or be put in hospital?
R: No, I think I only got a cold during winter.
I: Do your friends or colleagues also have parents who work abroad?
R: They don‘t have their parents abroad, but I have a fatherless colleague.
I: Do you know what your father had worked here before he left?
R: I think he worked in a factory in our town.
I: Do you know what he did in Spain?
R: I asked him, but he said “well, all sorts of things” (she shrugs, trying to show the negligent manner in which her father answered). That‘s what he said.
I: Did he send you any presents?
R: Yes, he sent me some big boxes, full of clothes or toys or sweets or frying pans for Mom.
I: How often did he send you parcels?
R: Once a month, I think. He used to send a big box. Seeing it, I used to exclaim “How big it is” It was bigger than me. I took out the items inside it and they wouldn‘t finish. Of all the things he sent, I best liked the sweets, the toys. The clothes were also beautiful.
I: Were they more special than what you could find here?
R: they were just clothes. They weren‘t different. Just clothes. The toys seemed very beautiful to me, because they were different from those sold in Romania. They were really beautiful. I’ve got one at home. They showed it on TV, too, both in Spain and in Romania. A doll you can fix to your hand. And he sent me a toy monkey which was eating cakes in that cartoon.
I: What cartoon was that?
R: I don‘t know its name – “Street… “. There were many little animals, children, costumes, people wearing costumes. I watched it every morning before I left for the nursery. It was on Minimax.
I: While he was abroad did you think you had more toys than after he returned? Did you feel any difference?
R: Nothing different to me, just the fact that Dad was absent… My grandmother was always with me while Mom was at work. She slept with me, took me to the nursery… yes… I think I had more toys during that period, because he sent me again and again and they were so beautiful (she makes a gesture to show the toys were big) and I always kept them near me. I think I had more toys then.
I: Was there any special item you hoped to get with the money from… did you save it in a piggy bank?
R: I had a piggy bank, but I just saved to have my own money.
- Internet-based communication
*Technical
I: Did you have access to the internet?
R: Yes, I’ve had internet since I knew myself. I had it on my computer. Mom had it also on her phone and tablet.
I: What did you mainly use to talk to your father?
R: Basically we used the computer. We had applications and he sent me photos in which he had different faces. I could have them framed and send them back to him in the parcels.
I: What else din you send him in the parcels?
R: I remember I sent him a lollipop from a Christmas tree. I sent him some candies which I knew he loved, just as I also love, but I know he sent that lollipop back to me.
I: Why do you think he sent it back?
R: I guess he didn‘t have a Christmas tree.
I: So, did he use to come home for the season holidays?
R: No. He was still there, but we talked, he sent me toys ad all the stuff.
I: Did he also send other parcels, food, for instance…?
R: I used to receive a lot of sweets from him. Food… it would have gone bad on the way…
I: You didn‘t send him food, either?
R: No, we didn‘t, because he had food there. Mom just sent him clothes. His clothes.
I: During that period did you talk with others? Did you frequently have access to the internet?
R: I used to talk to my aunt who was in Canada.
I: Did you use the internet to talk to your colleagues?
R: No, I was too young, only six years old.
I: Did you use the computer for other purposes?
R: I played. To dress …(I don‘t understand – m.n.) make up…
I: Were those online games?
R: Yes, I used to ask my aunt to write and I chose the games I wanted and I played.
I: I suppose you aren‘t on Facebook. You are only allowed when you are thirteen.
R: I don‘t like it.
I: How did you and your mother prefer to communicate with your father while he was abroad, through phone or video chat?
R: I liked to contact him through the computer, because I could see him.
I: How did you learn to use the computer and the Internet…?
R: I didn‘t. Mom showed me. She used to type and…
I: Was it you and your mother who called him or…?
R: Either we or he called… every day or every two days. When he wasn‘t at work and had some free time.
I: How did you talk? Through Skype, Hangouts…?
R: It was yahoo or something like that… Yahoo Messenger. We also used that to talk to my aunt. We wrote to her, saw each other. It‘s no longer used. It was largely used at that time.
I: Were there any situations when you would have liked to talk to your father but you couldn‘t reach him because he was too busy?
R: When I was very young I wanted to talk to Dad every day. But he was at work and didn‘t have too much time. It was in the morning, in the evening, at noon, when he was having a meal that…
I: You talked over the phone?
R: I suppose we talked over the phone while he was at work, but only a little, for five minutes, otherwise we talked on the computer.
* Content
I: Who did usually initiate the call?
R: I did it more often, because I missed him.
I: Did you have any pre-established hours?
R: No, I called whenever I wanted to talk to him. He wanted to call me and Mom. I knew I could usually call him toward evening or in the morning.
I: How long was your talk?
R: I think we used to talk for half an hour, I told him what I had done at the nursery, showed him drawings, he told me what he had done, talked to Mom, told me he would send many presents for me and Mom… yes, half an hour…
I: Do you remember your first video chat with him?
R: I don‘t, but I know I missed him. Mom could also talk to him over the phone. She used to send him films with me singing or dancing or drawing.
I: And he sent you photos with his faces.
R: Right. Or I used to take photos and he would frame and send them to us. He had them framed in Spain. He had … on his computer there were various things.
I: I see, he didn‘t have them framed physically.
R: No, he did it on the computer. There was an application whereby you could put your face inside a little heart, (she draws a little heart in the air, with her two palms) or make it rain with balloons or candies… I opened my mouth and tried to catch candies.
I: What‘s the name of that application?
R: I really don’t know, it was something from the computer, I got it like that. I didn‘t install it.
I: Did you talk to him only in your mother‘s presence or you yourself called him?
R: I only talked to him in Mom‘s presence. I didn‘t know how to make a call.
I: Would you have liked to talk more often?
R: Of course I would, like I talk now every day, I don’t know how many times. But he was busy.
I: What did you usually talk about?
R: About what I had done at the nursery, if my cold had gone away, what pills Mom had given me, such as Propolis, what we had done around the house and I showed him my drawings. I used to draw something showing me, Mom and a dog, because I very much wanted a dog
I: Was it only you and your mother who talked to him or there was someone else around, for instance your grandmother or…
R: No, it was only me and Mom. Grandma … perhaps she came to greet him “Hello!” “Hello!”.
I: Did you feel there were things you could only discuss with your father?
R: I don‘t think so. I was too young. I told everything both to Mom and Dad.
I: Did you feel that certain things could only be said face-to-face, not through internet?
R: Yes, many things could only be said face-to-face. “I love you, Daddy”. You cannot hug him through the computer (she makes the gesture). You cannot hug the computer. It could break down. I was so young.
I: Did you have any common activities on the internet? Did you play games online?
R: I didn‘t know. I still don’t know. Mainly we talked.
I: And you took pictures of each other… That would be an activity. But… when he wanted to buy you something from Spain, did he show it to you beforehand?
R: No, he said it would be a surprise. But he knew my size for my clothes, what toys I liked, what sweets I loved.
I: Did he ever scold you while you were talking?
R: No. I was a good girl. I played alone.
I: Did he use to ask you if you needed something?
R: No, he didn‘t, because if he had asked me, I would‘ve said I wanted it all. He asked Mom if I needed any short-sleeved or long-sleeved shirts, if my candies had gone. (She laughs)
I: Did she keep any contact with your teacher or…?
R: Basically Mom did that.
- Relationship with the absent parent (important stages/significant moments)
I: Did your father use to come to Romania? How often?
R: He came home and stayed for a month or two. Then he left again. He spent his holiday with us. I suppose that was once a year or maybe twice. I don‘t know exactly, but I remember he came home.
I: Do you remember one of his visits which seemed more special to you?
R: I guess it was the one when he came with a lot of toys. I guess so. That‘s what a kid wishes. Many toys and sweets… Yes,… that would have been a great joy. But I remember Mom went to the post office once – I was going to start school – because he had sent a box of pencils and crayons for me. I remember Mom had to go to the post office early in the morning. She came back in the evening because it was I don’t know what kind of special post service. He couldn‘t send the parcel by regular post. I had remained with Grandma. I was looking out of the window, wondering “when is Mom coming “… and she finally came. She brought me the box. I kept it up to a certain moment when all the pencils were gone and had to throw it. But I did use them.
I: Do you remember any common activity with your father while he was home on holiday?
R: We played. It was always hide and seek. It was perfect for me.
I: Any other common games?
R: I don‘t remember, but… perhaps we played something else, too, games learned at school… We also went out to play ball, so I guess.
I: Any common holidays when he came home?
R: I don‘t think we went anywhere because he didn‘t stay home long.
I: Did you ever visit him in Spain?
R: No, I didn‘t.
I: Would you have liked to?
R: Let‘s say yes, I would‘ve liked to see where Dad lived, how beautiful it was there, because Dad said it was so beautiful. He lived in Madrid.
I: What did you know about the place he lived in?
R: I knew there were nice people, that it was beautiful. I just knew a few things from what he told me.
I: Did he show you his place through Skype?
R: Each time he spoke from the same place, a sofa. The walls were white. I could only see a TV set in a corner, nothing else.
I: Weren‘t you curious to see what the places looked like?
R: I wasn‘t curious to see the place, but to know how he was.
I: What do you know about the way he spent his free time there?
R: I suppose he walked, looked for clothes or toys for me… or called and talked to me and Mom.
I: Did you know he would come back?
R: Yes, I did. I suppose I asked Mom and she said he would certainly come back, he would leave again, but he would return for good at a certain moment.
I: Did you find any advantage from his being away?
R: I think I was so young and was happy to get toys and sweets. That‘s all. Now, that I think about it, there was no advantage.
I: What about disadvantages, apart from the fact that…
R: I didn‘t see him every day. I missed him, wanted to hug him, play with him.
I: Didn‘t you try to play on Skype?
R: No, I didn‘t know how to play.
I: Did you hide anything from him, for instance that your mother had scolded you or…
R: But Mom didn‘t scold me. I was a good girl.
I: Did you communicate through the chat?
R: I couldn‘t write. Mom talked and sent messages to him… I sometimes asked her to write something, I guess. But I know that through yahoo you could both talk and write. Mom could write.
I: Did she write or talk about certain things which were more serious?
R: She mainly talked about them. She told Dad I had caught a cold, that my cold had gone, that I had hurt my knee and the wound had healed…
I: When your father left abroad for the first time, didn‘t you ask why he was leaving?
R: I think I did. I was very young and I wanted Dad to be with me all the time. I did ask, certainly.
I: Did they explain to you why he was leaving?
R: Of course, Mom explained to me. She always explains everything to me. She said he had to work, that he would send us money.
I: What did he work in Spain?
R: All sorts of work.
I: Didn‘t he tell you what he was doing there?
R: I think he only told Mom. He very often talked only to Mom. It was grown-up stuff.
I: Do you remember any moment when it would have been better to have your father here?
R: No, Mom played both roles, that of a father and that of a mother. It was ok like that…