The longing for his kids was too deep (RO)

1. Family situation.
I: How many children do you have?
R: Two.
I: A boy and a girl?
R: Two boys.
I: How old are they?
R: The elder one is seventeen, the younger one is eleven.
I: How old were they when their father started working abroad?
R: At that time the younger boy was very little, he was around two years old and the elder one was eight, approximately.
I: What the context in which he decided to leave? What was his job?
R: He was a driver, a truck driver. And the countries where… The garage was also his housing. It was somewhere between Barcelona and the Spain-France border. Anyway, it was closer to Barcelona.
I: Was he away for one year and a half?
R: Yes, for one year and a half.
I: And then? Did he leave again?
R: No, he makes trips to foreign countries, but he doesn’t remain there. He just makes a trip and comes back.
I: Speaking about that one year and a half, how long did he live abroad and how long did he stay home?
R: He only came once for a month, it was in August, when there were redundancies in Spain, otherwise it was me who went to him, without my sons.
I: They were too young.
R: It would have been a traumatic travel for them.
I: How long did you stay when you visited him?
R: Well, it depended. If I went for the season holidays, I used to go for Easter, our Easter, because we are orthodox, usually one or two days before Easter, and came back one or two days after; I also went once for Christmas and New Year’s Eve.
I: How did he integrate there? Or he didn’t integrate?
R: Well, he didn’t. He didn’t integrate and didn’t learn Spanish either because it wouldn’t have been so useful to him. He lived there together with other Romanians and they only spoke Romanian. As for messages and things like that… he received a message in Spanish, understood what the Spanish guy wanted him to go, where the documents were, he knew he had to arrive in France or in Belgium, where the trip was for; he received the address where he had to go for loading and carried the goods to Spain.
I: How did he decide to leave and work abroad?
R: Forced by our financial situation at that time. And helped by some friends he found a job there and he left.
I: That was serious.
R: He worked based on employment contract. He had a contract for the whole period. As for the financial situation, yes, he was a little better paid there than in Romania.
I: A little? Didn’t you feel the difference after his departure?
R: Well, the difference! The difference was that he sent me nine hundred or one thousand euro a month: without the costs he had to cover there, because he had to wash himself and a shower in a parching or where you got o take it costs some money, he had to wash his clothes and pay for that, he had to eat, well, all these cost money. Besides, he had to contribute to the rent of the house, for Saturdays and Sundays.
I: The people he lived with were also Romanians.
R: Yes, they were Romanians.
I: How did you get along with your neighbors before and after his departure?
R: (She laughs.) I have no neighbors around in the country, houses are placed at large distances at the moment; perhaps from now on more people will come and settle in the village. I have no connection to the neighbors. We leave home in the morning and return in the evening, we cannot meet our neighbors too often.
I: What village?
R: Tăbărăști. We leave in the morning and return home in the evening.
I: Did anybody help you with your kids while your husband was far away?
R: My parents did and they continue to help me with the kids. They’ve always helped me.
I: I was also raised by my grandmother. Well, in a different context.
R: Well… basically my parents helped us. My parents in law mainly helped us with money and whatever they could give us from the country, but they didn’t watch the kids. No. The kids were mainly brought up by my parents.
I: How did the kids get along with your parents? I don’t know, they would cater to every whim….
R: …of the kids, right, every whim of them, especially of the younger one. Especially his whims, right. They also gave in to the elder one, he was the first grandson in the family, in both families, mine and my husband’s; but the younger one took his brother’s place. (She laughs.) He did.
I: Was there any tension in the family because of your husband’s departure?
R: N, no, no. No tension. But the longing was very deep.
I: Could you describe a difficult moment in your sons’ life or your own life, after he left away?
R: I told you, it was more difficult for them during the season holidays and at the end-of-year parades at school, when all the children came with their parents…

2. Communication
I: Did you use to talk through internet?
R: No, we talked over the phone. He didn’t have an internet connection all the time, as he was in Spain only on weekends. So, he had… the phone.
I: At that time there was no internet on the phone.
R: No, we then found an offer and we talked for at least ten minutes for one euro pay or sort of. It was something at that time … but only in Europe, only for the European region.
I: How often did you talk on the phone?
R: We talked every day.
I: How many time, approximately?
R: Oh, no, we talked once for ten minutes, lest we shouldn’t pay more. They would take him the money anyway, so we talked for exactly those ten minutes.
I: Did the kids talked over the phone, too?
R: Not too often. They didn’t want to talk.
I: Didn’t they?
R: No. When he was in Spain they could see him on the laptop, otherwise, they wouldn’t talk. It was a difficult period.
I: How did your kids react when they talked on Skype?
R: (She can’t help herself. She cries. She wrings her hands.)
I: I see. Did the kids call or they were too little, they couldn’t use….?
R: …oh, no, they could, they could. The elder one… could… (She bursts into tears. She cries. She speaks crying.) It was a difficult period for the kids! Nor so much for the younger one, but for the elder one it was hard.
I: Sure. I wonder… what did you talk about over the phone?
R: (She wipes away her tears.) Hi! How are you? How are you doing? What country are you in? How do you feel? What have you seen lately? what… Yes, mostly these… We knew about each other every day and that wasn’t a problem… what and how, you see… It was a normal conversation, as if he were here in the country, only he… he was far away, he wasn’t…
I: Did the kids ask him to bring them a certain thing?
R: Oh, yes! Toys! Toys, lots of sweets. Yes.
I: Did he send parcels to you?
R: No, he didn’t. He sent me money. He brought things when he came. Sweets and toys. Toy cars.
I: How long after his departure did you start calling each other through internet?
R: Oh, it wasn’t immediately after his departure. At that time he had a laptop and we could see each other, but only when he came to his place in Spain.
I: How long did you talk on Skype?
R: Well. It could last hours. I let the laptop open and he did the same, even if in the meantime we were doing something else, too,, we used to return and chat, and come and…
I: I see. Did you also have any common activities through Skype, like, I don’t know, did you eat together or…?
R: More than that, For instance, on the younger son’s birthday, at a certain moment, we called my husband to see what and how. (Her voice drowns.)
I: It was like a gate…
R: Yes, that’s what it was like.
I: My cousin also does so, even if he is not so far, he is in Bucharest.
R: The longest time we spent on Skype was on the younger son’s birthday, I don’t know how old he was, two or three years old, I don’t know how old, and my husband was at the party via internet, on Skype.
I: Did you have certain hours settled for calling?
R: No, we didn’t. We talked at any hours, there was no question.
I: Do you remember the first video conversation you had?
R: Oh, well, I think it was immediately after arrived, to tell me how he had arrived and settled, I think that was the first.
I: Were the kids around, too?
R: Yes, they always were. They always were. It was on weekend. They were at home and… Even if during that period my elder son was going to school in Buzău and lived with my parents and I lived in the country with my younger son.
I: How did the kids get along with each other? Did they fight? Did they play together?
R: The kids? They still fight and quarrel now, not only then, they disagree with each other, but if one is absent for a while they miss each other. Even for one day only, if one is on a trip, for instance, they miss each other.
I: How did they react during the period they lived separated?
R: Separated! Indeed, my elder son lived with my mother in her apartment. I and my younger son lived in the country but we came to town daily, at noon, when he left school. I helped the elder one with his homework and whatever was to be done. Then I and my younger son would go home and his brother would stay with my parents. The kids didn’t live separately, they met every day. But I and my younger son lived in the country and would only come to see his brother after he had returned from school. We would have lunch together, do homework and then I and the little one would go home. His brother would stay in Buzău. It would have been hard to wake him up early in the morning and take him to Buzău.
I: When you were in Spain, how did it, how did the place your husband lived in seem to you?
R: What could I say? I liked it. Considering his fellow lodgers were Romanians, I didn’t feel… It really seemed to be a beautiful country. Barcelona is a beautiful city. Very beautiful. But time passed quickly, that’s it!
I: Did you visit any places?
R: I did. I remember we went to the large port, I saw that tall and great cathedral somewhere on the shore, I saw several places. I visited… well, not really visited!!! I walked on “Rambla”, that “alley”…
I: Would you have liked to live there? Did you think about moving there?
R: I’ve never thought about leaving the country. Maybe if it weren’t for my children, I would have given up more easily. But I have the kids… They couldn’t have integrated there. To me it seemed a bit… very crowded, very… as a city, tiring as a city.
I: Do you know they want to get rid of tourists because they are too many? There are some cities that stated: “we want no more tourists” because the locals will suffocate.
R: Yes, it’s true, it seemed an extremely crowded, noisy city to me and we couldn’t have made a good life and I… from my own point of view: I am too close to my parents, I don’t know if I could’ve managed to… live far away from them, although I have a sister who lives in Madrid; we are different natures. She wouldn’t come to country; she’d prefer that my mother went to her once a year. She wouldn’t come to Romania.
I: It means she got really angry here.
R: Indeed, I wouldn’t… (She sighs.) It’s the financial issue… we are most afraid of leaving because of the financial issue. That’s what I think. But, after you saved and got something of your own, it’s more difficult to give it away… Being single, it was easier for my sister to leave and she did and she prefers to buy air tickets for my parents once a year. She wouldn’t come to Romania. Nobody will see her in Romania.
I: That’s an option. Have your kids ever wanted to leave for Spain?
R: No, no, no. Not even in their dreams they wouldn’t leave.
I: Did they have any reaction, like a rejection against…
R: …rejection, yes. I think it’s also because they long for M., I don’t know. But no, they wouldn’t leave. They wouldn’t have liked to go there, never.
I: Had your husband thought that you all might settle there for good?
R: Oh, no! That’s why he couldn’t stay away longer. After one year and a half and he came back to his family. The longing for his kids was too deep. Well, and also the fact… that he didn’t stay too long in a place.
I: He was on the road, all the time, and that was stressful.
R: Sometimes there were weekends when he didn’t arrive home in Spain, if the trip was too far away. He would have had his weekly rest then… it depended where he was and there he had his break. He couldn’t always arrive…
I: He made the trips in Western Europe?
R: Only Europe. He also reached Germany and the Czech Republic…
I:…almost the whole Europe. What about the northern countries?
R: Yes. Indeed, he mostly drove to France, Belgium and, this part, Italy, but also England, the Czech Republic, Austria…
I: Who called usually, you or him?
R: Oh, it was me! I was the one who always called him.
I: Didn’t he call, too, from time to time?
R: He did, too, but I called most of the times, because I knew when I was free and could talk. He was driving anyway and could always talk. Most often I did call him.
I: Did the kids call by themselves, the elder one, for instance?
R: No, they didn’t talk to him. He only called them when he was in Spain, they chatted on Skype, otherwise, not.
I: What did the kids do when he came home? Did you have any common activities?
R: Well, we seized the opportunity to go on holidays to the mountains or to the seaside. We only went on holiday once, when he came the second time, in summer and he remained here for good. Once it was in August, we spent the whole month home. Because at that time… I suppose it’s everywhere the same: from 1 August to 31 August nobody worked. Then he had to come home, it didn’t make any sense to stay in Spain. He came home and during that month we also did whatever needed around the house, but most of the time we went out with the kids.
3. Perspectives
I: Did you also send him parcels?
R: No, I didn’t, it made no sense, no…
I: They couldn’t have reached him.
R: Not only because of that, the parcels could have arrived, his fellow lodgers were from Romania, from Buzău, they knew him, he would have received the parcels. But they would have been useless for him. What could have done with the food, it wasn’t helping him. I would have sent food to him, but what for? He cooked for himself, anyway. He arrived at a parking and when he waited for nine hours he cooked his food there, on the spot. He had everything he needed in the truck and he prepared his food and then he heated it up in the microwave.
I: Did you ever ask him to bring you something which wasn’t sold in Romania?
R: No, but he brought me things, what he considered suitable, what it seemed to him that we haven’t here. There was nothing special, no, never.
I: Did you exchange letters?
R: No, I may write, but not him. He doesn’t watch his phone either, be it here or there. We’d rather talk over the phone than write.
I: You don’t use the chat on the phone.
R: Perhaps sometimes I texted him, for instance, to ask him to exorcise the evil eye out of the kids, as he is the only one who can do that and he did it and the evil went away. So, I only texted him to say the prayer for T. or E., otherwise, I didn’t. We only talked over the phone.
I: Against the evil eye? What did he write back?
R: Nothing. It was a silent prayer in his head. It was the Our Father or the prayer he knew against the evil eye. It reached the kids and they felt better.
I: Did they really feel better?
R: Yes, they did.
I: I have heard about that before.
R: Similarly, when I feel bad I tell him: “I’m sick, please say a pray against the evil eye”. And in a minute I feel how my headache goes away.
I: That’s interesting. Even if it is said from a distance?!
R: Even if it is said from a distance, he was only thinking to the kids…
I: A thought is an electromagnetic wave, too.
R: He would think of the kid, concentrated on his name, and he would say the prayer and the boy’s sickness would go away.
I: Thank you very much.