1. Respondent ID

1.1 Age: 19

1.2 Sex: F

1.3 Parent(s) away: Father

1.4 Parent(s) moved abroad: for 11 years

1.5 Respondent lives with: her whole family.

I: Who did you live with while your father was away?…

R: I lived with my mother and my brother. Actually, my brother was born after Dad had gone to Spain. Dad left in autumn. My brother was born next spring. (She smiles)

 

  1. Details of Respondent’s life before parent’s departure:

I: When did your father left abroad?

R: It was a rift. In 2006

I: Did you see him every day before his departure?

R: Yes, I did.

I: What did you like to do together until you were 8…? How often did that happen?

R: Even if I was so young, we very much liked to talk. We have always discussed as equals. There was never a question that I was the child and he was the adult …at the deepest level, twice a week. We had our time. We had a program.

I: Who helped you with your homework? Who drove you to nursery/school? Who talked to your teacher/form master?

R: Every time I had any setbacks he was the first person I asked about, because we are very much alike not only physically, but also… We were very close. He carried me to the nursery. I only wanted to be held in his arms Both Mom and Dad took me to the nursery, but each of them had their own daily program. Mom also carried me in her arms, at my insistence. It was Mom who mainly talked to my teacher…

 

  1. Details of Respondent’s life after parent’s departure:

I: Tell me about your first day after your father‘s departure.

R: It was autumn. It was something new. We had never been apart until then. And… I looked at some photos with us all, our family. I remember that, when he once came home, I gave him a small parcel with the family photos, so that he wouldn‘t forget I was looking for a male presence, my uncle or my grandfather who lived in the country.

I: Did you understand why he had had to leave? What did you feel about that?

-R: I had been explained beforehand that he would leave and we would be separated only physically, not emotionally, that we would maintain the same relationship, within the possible limits. One of the reasons why he left was to know. He‘s passionate. It was his chance to develop, but also our chance to develop from a different point of view, meaning financial. His desire to know has been transmitted to me. Before leaving, he bought me all sorts of atlases with all the regions, full of pictures. He had made a collection for me. It was his own passion, but he also wanted to share it with me.

I: Who took care of you? How did you get along with those who were looking after you?

R: Mom did. In the country, my grandfather and my uncle took care of me. I got along very well with them. I spent a long time in the country side, all my summers…. all my holidays, and we communicated very well with each other, from the very beginning.

I: Do you also have other relatives in the town? How do you get along with them?

R: Those from the country side are the closest. We also have relatives in Buzău, but… I get along well with everybody. Of course, the closest are my grandparents, my uncle and my aunt… I was a privileged child.

I: Did you need to go to a doctor or be put in hospital while your father was abroad?

R: I didn‘t have any health problems, thank God.

I: Do/did your friends or colleagues have parents who work/worked abroad?

R: In general, no.

I: Did your friends and colleagues know your father is abroad? What did they say about that?

R: they asked me when he would return, if I missed him, if I was waiting for him, how was it to have a relationship at a distance? They were curious.

I: Did they seem to pity you?

R: I’m not the kind of person who likes to complain. (She laughs)

I: What had your father worked here? What did he work there? Did he help you with money? Did he send you any presents?

R: He had worked as an electrician before. In Spain he was a travel agent. He used to give me money when he came home, but I‘ve never been a child too much interested in material possessions. All my needs were satisfied, I didn‘t have to request. Presents? Yes, mainly at the beginning: a doll as tall as I am now, which I still keep. It‘s a blond doll.

I: Since he left, have you felt you have more toys, more numerous and more beautiful clothes?

R: Just my dolls have been as big as possible.

I: Was there anything you wanted and hoped to get with the money from your father, such as a phone or clothes…?

R: I cannot say I wanted a certain thing. Before the beginning of each school year he used to tell me that, if I had the best results, he would buy me I don’t know what bicycle. Maybe not at the end of each school year, but during that period I got three bicycles.

 

  1. Internet-based communication

* Technical

I: Did you have internet access at home? How? Who paid the subscription?

R: I‘ve only got it for five years. A desktop. Now I also have a phone… My mother paid the subscription.

I: Did you write letters to him? Have you ever written letters?

R: Not to send them. But trying to make my mark, I had written some notes before he left away. I just wrote what I was feeling at that time and I attached the regular photos. We both have a passion for photos. When he was young, he even dealt with developing. I also wrote after his departure, but I never posted any letter.

I: Do you use the internet programs to communicate with your friends and colleagues?

R: Sure.

I: Do you have a Facebook account? Has your father got one?

R: Yes, I have. Dad had one before, but he stopped using it.

I: How did you prefer to communicate with your father? Is it through phone calls, computer?

R: Phone calls.

I: Did your father usually call? Did you call him from Romania?

R: Each of us called when we felt the need to.

I: How did you learn to use the computer/internet and when?

R: I had got a computer before Dad left. I hadn‘t got the internet. I hadn‘t been into…

I: What else do you do on the computer?

R: Basic things. Papers. I write…

I: What applications did you use to communicate with your father?

-R: We only talked over the phone. I use WhatsApp to talk to my friends.

I: Were there any situations when you would have liked to talk to your father but you couldn‘t?

R: Yes, but that was just a delay. Maybe he had something to do and… he typed cancel or he answered and said that he would call back. When there was an emergency and we couldn‘t talk to Dad, Mom was certainly there to deal with the issue. I also went through adolescence and during that time it seemed nothing pleased me. I made a storm in a teacup. Any little thing could be dramatic for me. You don‘t discuss about such things. There was nothing that would seriously blow up my own world.


* Content.

I: How often did you talk? How long?

R: Whenever I felt the need.

I: Do you remember the first audio communication with your father? What did you feel?

R: I called him after he had arrived. What could I tell him at my age of eight? “Daddy, I miss you. Daddy, maybe you‘ll find a doll. Daddy, come home… ” and my father answered “Yes, dear, wait until I adapt myself and I‘ll look for it”. There were little childish things. After that first talk I felt things had remained the same; he was far away, indeed, but only at a physical level.

I: Did you want to talk to him more often?

R: Yes, I did. At that time I liked getting attention and nobody else should talk, except me.

I: Why didn‘t you talk more often?

R: (She laughs) I did it…

I: What did you usually talk about with your father? For instance, what did you talk about last time?

R: About school, what I was studying, what books I was reading… Last time… he told me he would come back and the eleven years had been a nice experience and everything had an end and we would adapt again… but the question didn‘t arise… things just happened.

I: Did he ask you what you wanted him to bring you? Did you ask him to bring or send a certain item?

R: When I grew up that was out of the question… He didn‘t bring me anything because my tastes were different from those I had had before his departure. Therefore, I was rewarded with money. When I was a little girl I used to ask him to bring me dolls, as many and big as possible and as blond as possible. (She laughs)

I: Was there anyone around while you talked to your father over the phone, your mother, for instance?

R: Sometimes yes, but when I wanted to talk something personal, I liked to be just me and him. Personal things… when… changes in my life; I got a ten in math and I wanted him to be the first who… good marks were rarely given in the high school I was studying at, “Hașdeu”, and I wanted him to be proud of me. I have always wanted him to be proud.

I: Further questions:

I: Were there any things you felt you couldn‘t discuss with him?

R: Female things, for instance, which I discussed with Mom.

I: Did you ever feel there were things you couldn‘t discuss over the phone, but only face-to-face?

R: In the beginning, yes, but later I got used to the idea that we couldn‘t just clap our hands and Dad would come up. A child expresses his or her love personally. You tell him over the phone that you miss him, love him, but you also need a physical contact: a hug.

I: Did he ever scold you over the phone?

R: No, you cannot call it scolding. He just said “you could have done that differently, it would have been better… “; he advised me, he didn‘t scold me.

 

  1. Relationship with the absent parent (important stages/significant moments).

I: How often did he come to Romania?

R: In the beginning… approximately once in two months. In the last years he came two or three times a year.

I: What did you do in the first two or three days after his return?

R: We resumed our talks. He told me he wanted to change his job and I was proud of that. I was proud he wanted a change, to develop. We talked, both of us being equally talkative… It just so happened that, as I walked out the door… I was going to pick up the books I had ordered… I opened the door, waiting for the courier. My jaw was on the floor. He made me a surprise… I was waiting for the order from “Libris” and… “Where‘s the courier? Where are the books? There was Daddy! “… I told him about that and what could we do? We waited together and talked about the books I had ordered, about the new field which had attracted me, namely psychology. I read religious and psychology books in parallel and I have found a common denominator. A lot of things are approached similarly.

I: Did you ever visit your father in Spain?

R: No, I didn‘t. I was curious, but there should have been a possibility, a material one. He lived with his work colleagues…

I: What do you know about the place he lived in? Can you describe the house, from what he told you?
R: No, he changed the place very often.

I: Did you know what exactly he was working?

R: Yes, I did.

I: Did he tell you?

R: He did… He told me about how he succeeded in handling situations of crisis, what he told people, how he communicated. Communication is an essential component of our life.

I: Would you have liked to visit him?

R: I like to travel. I‘ve been to Hungary, the Czech Republic and Austria. I liked Vienna the best.

I: Did you ever thought about moving for good to the country your father was working?

R: Not to the country where he was working, but (she laughs) after I returned from that trip I made and saw that everything was different, that it was something else, at that time I said to myself that yes, I would move, but after a while I thought better and understood that school was free of charge in Romania and our Romanians deserve to enjoy what we could offer: to improve our own system, not only the foreign systems. If you have the will, you are ambitious and you work, everything could be done.

I: Were there any advantages from your father‘s being abroad? If yes, which were they?

R: I‘ve been given every of my desires, each and every of my desires, both before and after. Maybe they felt a difference and could get something which they hadn‘t been able to get until then.

I: While he was abroad, were you ever tempted to hide something from him?

R: Even if he was away, a lie can be discovered immediately.

I: Therefore you didn‘t hide anything from him.

R: It didn‘t make any sense.

I: Which do you think were the negative parts of your father‘s being far away, first of all for you, then for your relatives, maybe, and for himself…?

R: I‘m a very affectionate person. A lot of times in my life people should hold me in their arms and dedicate their time to me if they wanted to make me happy. These didn‘t happen any longer while he was far away; they didn‘t come up exactly when I wanted. They did happen, but at certain intervals. It was here that I felt a difference, but I understood it because Mom… she took the lead, meaning bills, talks with children, shopping everything needed, housework which had been shared before, became a burden on her shoulders. She got used to that. We were together. We enjoyed the other‘s presence. We enjoyed Mom‘s presence, our relatives‘ presence… Dad was alone. That was it.

I: Do you remember any season holiday spent without your father?

R: Yes, I remember one Christmas when I was in the fourth grade. I spent that Christmas holiday at my grandparents‘ place, with Mom and the rest of our family. We didn‘t have a Christmas tree. So, we immediately went to buy whatever we needed: tree, decorations… We trimmed that tree with so much love, because I felt the need of that specific atmosphere. My grandparents were sitting and looking at us and I felt each member of our family was very strongly bonded to the other.