Respondent ID
1. Age: 16
2. Sex: F.
3. Parents(s) abroad: Father.
4. The country he moved to: Spain.
5. How long has he been gone? Approximately eight years.
6. Respondent lives with: Mother.
2. Details of Respondent’s life before:
I: Good, your father left abroad eight years ago. Before that, did you live together, see each other daily…
R: Yes, we lived together. But we didn‘t see each other every day because of his job. He would only come home once a week.
I: What was his job?
R: He is a truck driver.
I: When he came home, was it something you liked to do together with him? Let‘s say talks, games…
R: Yes, talks, games… it was pretty interesting, frankly.
I: What did you play?
R: First of all, I guess we played hide and seek, games for kids… I don’t remember too well.
I: Did you play hide and seek inside or outside your house?
R: Outside.
I: Do you live in a house or in an apartment?
R: Apartment.
I: Did your mother also play with you two or you only played with your father? (I laugh.)
R: (She laughs.) We amused her, frankly. But she either stayed with my sister or… she went out with us? I know we had quite a lot of activities.
I: Talks, games… in particular, about once a week, when you say he came home.
R: Yes, until I turned eight. After he left abroad, we did that more rarely. It was natural. A big distance was created between us.
I: Did he help you with your lessons before he left?
R: No, that was not the case. I didn‘t need help.
I: But did anybody take you to school, to the nursery? Or you lived near it…
R: We lived close enough to it. It wasn‘t far from home.
I: And did you go alone?
R: In think mother accompanied me when I was in the first and second grades and then there no longer needed to do that.
- Details of Respondent’s life after:
I: Do you happen to remember the day your father left abroad and the next day after or if those days were different from the others and why?
R: I think so… Frankly, every time he left home I was pretty nervous and even cried. Because I didn‘t understand, when I was a kid, why he would always go away and come back.
I: What did you do when he left for Spain and it was clear you would see him even less often…
R: I don‘t remember. I didn’t pay much attention to that as I was already familiar with his departures. He had been working on the truck for a long time, I was already accustomed.
I: Why did he have to leave abroad? Did you understand, rationally speaking?
R: Financial reasons.
I: Do you have any opinion on that or do you feel something about that reason?
R: I don‘t judge him because this is a rational reason, having two children who were to go to school and so on, to high school, it really makes sense.
I: So, your mother is looking after you.
R: Yes.
I: How are you getting along?
R: Very well.
I: Is your sister younger or older than you?
R: She is older and now, as she is in college, she also comes home only once a month.
I: Where does she study?
R: At the Faculty of Management in Bucharest.
I: Did you get along well, you and your sister, or sometimes…
R: Yes, we did. Like things go with elder brothers, there was a fight now and then, just that, nothing more.
I: Do you have other relatives in Buzau?
R: Yes, but not in the town, but in the county.
I: Do they live near the town?
R: The distance is not big, about fifty kilometers.
I: Do you meet them often or seldom?
R: Once a month, I guess.
I: Do you get along well?
R: Yes.
I: During this period, while your father was abroad, did you have any health problems? Did you have to urgently see a doctor? Did you have to go into the hospital?
R: No.
I: Teeth?
R: (She laughs.) That was a second part.
I: Are you afraid of…?
R: No.
I: I am. If you don‘t fear, it means you don‘t go to the dentist with your mother, do you?
R: I was to the dentist; she waited in the hall, although it was not very bad.
I: Do you have any friends or colleagues who also have their parents abroad?
R: I think I have a few colleagues; no friend with parents abroad.
I: Do you feel you have more common subjects to discuss with the colleagues whose parents are abroad than with the others?
R: Sometimes, yes, because they understand the feeling of or how it is to always live with one parent while the other comes more seldom.
I: Discussions like “I miss my Mom”, says A, B says “I have never got along with Mom, it‘s good if she goes”.
R: It seems absurd to me when they say that or one of my colleagues judges his father or his mother for what he or she does; after all, they involved in his raising, even if he doesn‘t realize that.
I: Do your other friends and colleagues know your father is abroad, don‘t they?
R: Yes.
I: Do you feel they have a different attitude toward you, unlike toward others whose parents are in the country? Do they envy you? They say “you have money, you are independent and your father doesn‘t give you a hard time”.
R: No, they don‘t. At least I think so.
I: You say your father was a truck driver in Romania, wasn‘t he?
R: Yes.
I: And abroad?
R: The same.
I: Does he send you presents?
R: Usually, when he comes home, because he has no time to, he is almost always on the road.
I: Does he send you money?
R: Yes.
I: Especially for you?
R: Mother usually gives money to me, it goes without saying.
I: I understand. Your mother administers the money.
R: Yes, she is the administrator.
I: You were 8 years old. Now you are 17. You have passed though three different stages – childhood, puberty, now you already are a very young girl. When you were a kid, did you feel you had more toys than the others?
R: I didn‘t feel very different from the other kids, but yes, in a way there was that emotional need to have your father near you. But in terms of material stuff, I didn‘t feel I had any benefits.
I: But did you have more toys?
R: Yes, I did.
I: And then, clothes? A vocational school costs a lot of money. No school, be it a high school, a college, provides all the necessary things to you.
R: It would be a lie if anyone says they are given everything on a silver plate.
I: The fact that he is gone, does it help you from this point of view?
R: Yes, it does.
I: Does he send you the things you need or does he send you money?
R: Always money because he doesn‘t know what I need exactly; maybe I need a Tee now and then I need I don’t know what t-square and so on. I am dealing with these. Water colors and the items for painting are cheaper abroad and of better quality, I guess, but so far I haven‘t told him I need I don’t know what.
I: Is it something that you want and hope to get with the money your father earns?
R: I don‘t want a particular thing. At the moment, my sole priority is to be admitted to the college where I would like to study.
I: One boy told me he wanted to get a driving license and buy a car.
R: I was asked about driving license and car, but I‘m not very interested in these. I know I would be irresponsible. I wouldn‘t be able to maintain a car until I get a job.
- Internet-based communications.
*Technical.
I: Do you have internet access at home?
R: Yes.
I: What kind of access? Using the phone, the computer?
R: Phone, computer and laptop.
I: Who pays the subscription?
R: My Mom.
I: Since when have you got a computer? Since when have you got internet?
R: I think I have had both of them since I was 7.
I: It was before your father left abroad, wasn‘t it?
R: Yes.
I: Who bought them, first the computer, then the internet?
R: My Dad.
I: Was it on a particular occasion?
R: First of all, he bought the computer because my sister needed one. She started middle school or high school, I don‘t remember exactly, and she needed a computer.
I: Have you ever written letters by hand?
R: I think I have, only once, but I didn‘t send it. It was childish and nonsense.
I: Did you write it thinking about your father, Santa Clause or someone else?
R: I guess about Dad, for his birthday, but mother used to send him a letter in advance, together with a parcel. I also wrote letters to Santa, but never sent any. If I had mailed them, I think they would have been thrown away.
I: You do use internet to communicate with friends and colleagues, don‘t you?
R: Yes.
I: Through what software, applications?
R: Facebook, Messenger, sometimes Skype.
I: Hangouts?
R: No.
I: WhatsApp?
R: Yes.
I: Do you have a Facebook account…
R: Yes.
I: Does your father have one?
R: (She nods.)
I: Do use them to keep contact with each other?
R: Yes, quite often.
I: How do you prefer to communicate with him?
R: Verbally more than through messages.
I: Over the phone?
R: Right, over the phone…
I: …or through video calls?
R: …video, too.
I: Usually is it you who calls or he?
R: Both.
I: So, you were seven when your father bought a computer; I suppose he also purchased the internet at the same time.
R: Sure.
I: How did you learn to use the computer and the internet and when?
R: I watched my sister and I learnt approximately at the same time.
I: You peeped at her…
R: Yes, did.
I: What else do you do on the computer, apart from communication?
R: Projects. I listen to music, I feel it, even I sometimes try to find some inspiration for my drawings, even if, so to say, I steal ideas and what I do is not very fair.
I: Do you know Umberto Eco said that books always speak of other books…
R: Right…
I: Well, do you use Facebook to communicate with your father?
R: Yes, I do.
I: WhatsApp?
R: Yes.
I: Skype?
R: I used to use it before, but I didn‘t install it on my phone, I have it on my laptop. I keep it only for emergency cases.
I: Have there been case where you would have liked to talk to him and you couldn‘t?
R: I think this happened once. But I told my Dad the following day, when I called him. It was more of an inner reservation, nothing external that stopped me doing it.
I: Can you tell me what exactly it was about?
R: I suppose it was because I had quarreled with my colleagues, while in middle school, and I particularly longed to speak with him, but I refrained from calling and I only told him the following day. But I could only tell half of the story.
I: What about emails? Do you use emails to communicate with your father?
R: No.
I: Do you have any Google account or gmail address?
R: I do. I store my pictures there.
*Content.
I: How often do you talk?
R: I think we talk almost every day or at least in my free time. Just like that.
I: Do you remember the first audio or video talk you had immediately after he left abroad?
R: No, I don‘t. There were matters to which I didn‘t pay much attention at that time. I simply preferred to live the moment. I still do. It‘s nonsense to always carry it with me.
I: Who is the one who usually calls?
R: Mom calls Dad or he calls her, and so on.
I: What about you? Do you call him?
R: Sure, when I want to talk more and…
I: Are there any special occasions when you call him?
R: On his birthday or when something happens and, well, just to have a chat.
I: Would you like to speak with him more often?
R: For the moment, I am ok with our talks.
I: What do you usually talk about?
R: About what happens, how I get on at school, how he is, where he drove and things like that.
I: Where does he drive?
R: Now, as he has changed his employer, he usually drives to France, Spain and so on. He had driven to almost every country before.
I: What did you talk about last time? When was that?
R: I think it was like three days ago.
I: And what did you talk about?
R: How he is, how I am and other regular talk.
I: Are there other people in the same room when you talk to your father?
R: Yes, sometimes there are.
I: Do you turn on the speaker and you engage all in the talk?
R: Sometimes.
I: What do you talk about in such cases?
R: When we really should go somewhere or something like a more important event happens.
I: Does he ask you what you would like him to send or bring?
R: Yes, he does, but I don‘t think about any significant or necessary item, I simply don‘t think about what I would need and it is only later that I realize I would have needed something.
I: And then don‘t you ask him to send or bring it to you? “Look, I just remembered I would need…”
R: Oh, yes, but I usually remember that when he comes home. (She laughs.) And I buy it myself or I ask Mom to go shopping with me.
I: Are there any issues you think you can only speak about with your father?
R: No. I can speak with both my parents, but I do it more with my Mom.
I: It‘s normal. But are there any issues you feel you can only discuss about face-to-face with your father?
R: Yes. Because every emotion can be read on your face; things could be disguised in a message or a phone call.
I: Can you give me a more concrete example of such an issue?
R: It‘s when something happens which concerns me and I must tell him or something which concerns both of us and I feel the need to see him or have a private talk with him.
I: Do you show him what you do at school?
R: Yes, I do. Sometimes he doesn‘t understand all my works, because they are 3D. But he does look at my drawings and appreciates them.
I: Has he ever scolded you on the internet?
R: Yes, when I got bad marks at school.
I: Is there any possibility for him to get in touch with your teachers? Has he ever done that?
R: No.
I: Mother does it…
R: Sure, mostly your mother.
- Relationship with the absent parent (important stages/significant moments):
I: How often does your father come home?
R: About twice a year; usually on holidays.
I: How long does he stay?
R: A month o so. That‘s all. He comes twice a year for two partial holidays.
I: When did he last come?
R: Last summer, I guess he came in June; yes.
I: What did you do?
R: We talked, went to my grandparents, to the mountains; my grandparents live in the mountains. Do you where Basceni is? (We both laugh.) It‘s near Prahova County. My maternal grandparents live there. Dad‘s parents live on the plains.
I: You went to your grandparents and they were happy to see you.
R: Yes, they were.
I: And you talked…
R: Sometimes we stayed late talking until 3 in the morning, especially during that period when my sister had also come home. Our talks were pretty long.
I: Have you ever been to the place where he lives abroad?
R: No.
I: Do you know something about that place, the apartment? The place he lives in there in Spain?
R: It‘s difficult for me to answer. I have never asked him about that.
I: Would you like to go to Spain?
R: Yes.
I: On holidays or for good?
R: Not for good, because I have friends here in Romania and it could be hard for me to leave them.
I: What do you think the benefits of your father‘s being abroad are?
R: In a way, I think I have more freedom. Otherwise, frankly, I don‘t know how I could manage with him always around, 24/24, and with things like “you cannot go out at that hour” or I don’t know what else might be possible.
I: Any financial benefits?
R: Again, only half measures.
I: Are there things you wouldn‘t tell him just to protect him or yourself or others?…
R: Yes, there are. When either me or my Mom really needs to buy something and he‘d better not know because he will never see those items and if it‘s not necessary or he doesn‘t ask, why should we tell him? Or about my marks or my school, if he knows I can manage, there‘s no need for me to specify what happened, that I got a bad mark but I turned it into a better one in the end.
I: Are there also any negative aspects of his being abroad?
R: Yes, sometimes, when it comes to holidays and he is not here. Going to the mountains or to the seaside doesn‘t have the same magic.
I: Can you tell me how you spent your last Christmas holidays?
R: Last Christmas… Dad was at home.
I: It was a true holiday.
R: Yes.
I: Did you trim a Christmas tree?
R: Yes, I do that every year, no matter how old I am.
I: Is it artificial?
R: Artificial. A natural one would make a mess.
I: Who decorated it?
R: Me… or mother? Me. I had nothing else to do, I was really free.
I: Was your father happy to see you did that?
R: Normal reactions… some advice on how or where to trim it.
I: Did you put the presents under the Christmas tree? Or each of you took them out from a bag?
R: We each took them out. We don‘t let them under the tree to be seen. What the surprise would be?
I: Did you spend the Christmas Eve just with your family or you also had guests?
R: No, just the family. It‘s better like that, in private.
I: What about the New Year‘s Eve?
R: I think we went to a concert in the square.
I: Who sang?
R: (She laughs.) That‘s a good question. I don‘t remember.
I: Wasn‘t it cold?
R: It was!
I: I enjoyed our talk. Thank you.