I didn’t recognize her, I didn’t know who she was (RO)

I. Respondent ID
I. 1. Age: 15.
1. 2. Sex: F
1. 3. Parent(s) abroad: Mother. Actually both
1.4. Country: father in Germany, mother in Spain
1. 4. When did they leave abroad: father left when the Respondent was a year old, mother six months later.
1. 5. Respondent lives with: grandparents (maternal) in Galbinasi Village.

2. Details of Respondent’s life before:
I: How is it that your parents are in different countries?
R: They’re separated.
I: Which of them do you mostly keep in touch with?
R: Both.

3. Details of Respondent’s life after:

I: How do you get along with the people who are looking after you?
R: Super. There’s never a problem about my needing something or asking for advice. They have always been there. As if they were my parents. They let me want for nothing. My relation with them is exactly the one I would have with my real parents.
I: Do you also have other relatives? Do they live in the same village?
R: Yes, we do. We get along very well. She is my grandma’s sister.
I: Is any other member of your family also abroad?
R: Dad’s sister, Mom’s brother (also in Spain), my grandma’s brother. Dad’s sister is in Germany with my father.
I: Do you have any friends whose parents have left the country? Friends or colleagues…
R: Yes. And they also live with their grandparents, so, nothing new.
I: They have also left for Spain?
R: Spain or Italy.
I: Do you know where your mother had worked before she left?
R: The same place where my grandparents worked. Something related to wiring, the spinning mill in Buzau. She commuted. I know that from my grandparents.
I: Do you know what your mother is doing abroad?
R: She is a bartender waitress somewhere near Alicante, a few kilometers far from it.
I: Does your mother help you with money?
R: Yes.
I: Does she send you presents?
R: Yes. She sends parcels every two or three months. It depends. I I need something special… She sends money every month, there has never been a question to…
I: Who helps you with your lessons? Who accompanies you to school?
R: Well, nobody takes me to school. I only needed help when I was in primary school. Then, in my middle school, nobody helped me, I managed by myself, on my own. In primary school, my grandma used to help me. She was able to do that, she still knew the things at that stage, but starting from my fifth grade, she couldn’t any more…
I: What do you most like to be sent by your mother?
R: When I was little, sweets. Now I don’t really have… preferences, so to say. Yes, she sends me clothes, indeed, but first she takes photos so as I could see them, and thus she avoids sending me things I don’t like. And she also asks me about my size. It means that I am the one who chooses. The only difference is that the price in Romania is different from that in Spain.
I: What do you think about this difference?
R: Certain things are cheaper, other are more expensive. First I ask her to measure the sole. Once she had sent me a pair of sneakers size 39, too large for me. I sent the sneakers back to her. She changed and sent them again to me. My sneakers made a long journey, much longer than needed. That was in winter. But she really had known my size before. I don’t know what happened.
I: So, what do you prefer?
R: Sneakers… I don’t really have preferences about other things. Possibly not leather. It smells bad. I prefer textile. Not one to tear quickly, but textile anyway.
I: Is also your mother the one who gives you perfumes?
R: Yes. Not all of them. My Mom has a friend who frequently goes to Turkey and brings testers. She goes to somebody who fills them. She has plastic bottles and when they are finished, she goes and refills them. They are original perfumes, but not in glass bottles, so as to be sold in the mall.
I: Do you want to get a particular item with the money sent by your mother, do you have any goal like “I want to buy…”
R: I want a lens for my canon camera. It is approximately four hundred euro and I collect money slowly. I’ve bought a piggy bank and I cannot take money out of it, just put into… Once I put too much there and I ran out of money.
I: Do you take pictures?
R: Yes. I’ve not been doing it for long, only a month or so, but taking pictures with my phone is already a passion. Then my dad saw I liked that and I received a camera as a present for my birthday, on the 5th of June. I didn’t receive it exactly on my birthday, but later.
I: What’s the field your father works in?
R: Constructions. But he drives equipment. He’s very well paid.
I: What do you best like to photograph?
R: Babies. I went to a christening party recently. The babies’ tenderness is so cute… and I edit the photos on my laptop, they look so beautiful… That’s what I like best.
I: Did you simply go to that party or they employed you as a photographer?
R: As a photographer.
I: Do you also make some money from that?
R: Yes. I don’t make millions, I only ask for a price… Actually, a friend asked me if I could engage in filming. I said “no, I could only just take pictures if you want”.
I: When did this photo and phone mania of yours start?
R: When I received a better phone…Two years ago, I guess.
I: Have you taken any course in that?
R: No. I used to take pictures in the train… The best photo I took was when the one of a bottle through which you could see the sun. It was really nice. And I made it with my phone. I enjoyed that, and now… well, I won’t take any course but when I buy a lens… If you check on Facebook, I also have an album with a few photos…
I: What software do you use for processing your photos?
R: Lightroom or similar.

4. Internet-based communications.

*Technical.
I: Do you have internet access at home?
R: I do.
I: have you had it for long?
R: Yes, I’ve had it for long, since I was eight or nine. Well, I didn’t start learning to work with it at that time. We had a laptop then, to talk with mother on video call and we didn’t have the internet. Later on they installed the internet and when I was older and I received a phone for myself, I started using it.
I: It means you hadn’t use the internet before you got the phone.
R: I only had my grandparents’ laptop to play games. Barbie games…
I: How did you communicate with your mother?
R: Through Skype.
I: Do you remember a single time when it wasn’t through Skype?
R: Over the phone. My Mom left abroad and two years after she had settled there she bought a laptop, sent it to Romania so that we could talk through Skype. But we also talk over the phone. When I have a problem I don’t wait to start the laptop and call through Skype, I use the phone to call her.
I: And don’t you use Skype or Hangouts to call her on the phone?
R: Yes, I do, and also through WhatsApp, with video… generally with video.
I: What about before you had the laptop, the Skype?
R: I had used the phone before I had the laptop.
I: I would very much like to know… how was your first talk with your mother through Skype? The first talk you remember.
R: Before that talk with my Mom…. I remember she came home. She had left abroad when I was a year and a half and came back when I was five and a half… And I didn’t recognize her, I didn’t know who she was. She came home and I was ashamed and went to my grandma whom I asked “who is this woman?” and she said “she’s your Mom”. And then I realized who she was. Later on, after she left again, we talked though Skype. But until then I had only seen her in photos. Just in photos, not in reality.
I: And how did your mother react when she saw you couldn’t recognize her?
R: I don’t know. She was probably embarrassed. I don’t remember details. I was only five.
I: And what else did you do then, during her first visit home?
R: If I recall well, we went out to Children’s Town. It wasn’t winter, it was Midsummer’s Fair. That was not new for me, I had been there every year before, with my grandparent, but it was different because she was there with me and … I don’t know what else we did in particular.
I: And did you two bond?
R: Yes. It didn’t matter I hadn’t seen her, not at all.
I: How long did she stay?
R: I have no idea. A few months, I guess. The longest period she stayed in Romania was three months. It was when my grandma had surgery.
I: What about your father?
R: The same. There were times when he used to stay home for a whole year then he left. He is from Spătaru. He left then he came back and left again.
I: Did you live together when he came to Romania?
R: He used to take me to Spataru. He came to my place and we went to the mountains. Nobody said anything. Indeed, I lived with him, but also at my place, it depended.
I: Is your mother who bought the internet? Did she pay the subscription?
R: We had and we still have the internet, a subscription for telephone, internet and decoding. And because it included television, my folks paid (her grandparents, it is clear that they are her family… i.n.)
I: Do you communicate with your friends and colleagues on internet? What application do you use?
R: Sure, mostly on Facebook. I’ve also got Yahoo.
I: Does your mother have a profile on Facebook?
R: Yes, she does. And we also keep in touch on Facebook. However, WhatsApp is the order of the day.
I: Is there anything you wouldn’t like your mother to see on Facebook?
R: No, because she knows. First of all my grandma knows where I go. Mom will only know after. She knows later. There is nothing I would hide from them.
I: Does your mother gives you likes?…
R: No, she gives my grandma, I also made her a profile and they exchange comments. As soon as grandma bought a better one, I opened her a Facebook account… It was my biggest mistake. (She laughs.) She comments on all my photos.
I: Doesn’t your mother do it, too?
R: No, my Mom doesn’t.
I: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
R: A step brother. There. He became my brother two years ago. But he is Bulgarian. We understand each other through signs. He is my mother’s kid. She married again. Without a wedding dress, but they married in a registry office in Bulgaria. Her husband is Bulgarian, They met in Spain.
I: Do you get along well with your brother? Have you well known him?
R: Very well. My brother is older than me, he is eighteen. Mom and her Bulgarian friend met and decided to engage. They have been engaged for two or three years. I get along well with him. If we meet, we understand each other through signs.
I: Does your brother live in Spain?
R: He lives in Bulgaria, with his mother. My father and her husband live in Spain…
I: And which is your favorite way to communicate with them? Phone, laptop, tablet…
R: Any way, currently on the phone, most often, or on the laptop. It depends. I have no preference.
I: Who calls usually, you or your mother?
R: It depends. This also depends.
I: What else do you do on the computer?
R: I play, edit photos, learn to unload programs, I mean I do use it.
I: have you also tried film editing?
R: To gather film parts on the phone, not on the laptop. It’s difficult.
I: Does it tempt you?
R: It would. I also have the camera for filming. I could do it.
I: Do you use Instagram?.
R: Yes.
I: Has your mother also got Instagram?
R: She has but she doesn’t use it.
I: What about Snapchat?
R: I have it. I rarely use it.
I: Have there been cases where you would have liked to talk to your mother but you couldn’t at that moment?
R: No, there haven’t.
I: Has there been any emergency case and she didn’t answer?
R: Emergency case, no. Maybe there were times when she couldn’t answer promptly, but she did after an hour, so to speak, but no emergencies.
I: Apart from instant or, internet communication, what other means do you use, mails, letters?
R: (She laughs, shaking her head.)

* Content.
I: How often do you talk?
R: Daily.
I: How many times a day?
R: Whenever we need. Maybe we talk in the afternoon, sort of “How are you? What have you done lately?” or maybe I call her in the evening “I need I don’t know what” or “can I go I don’t know where?”
I: When you want to go out somewhere do you also ask for your mother’s permission?
R: No. I ask grandma. If she calls me and asks something, I tell her “I am out”, I don’t call her to ask “can I go out”. No.
I: What do you usually talk about?
R: About… what we are doing… what we have done that day, how we feel, if something new is to tell, if we have done something interesting and so on…
I: What did you talk about last time? When did you last talk to her?
R: Before I came here. I told her what I was supposed to do, she said it seemed interesting and I said “I’m in a hurry. I have to go to the interview” and she asked “are you taking a job?” “No job, school starts soon, what job could I take?” (She laughs.) I put grandma on the phone and left.
I: How long are your talks usually? Which is the longest you remember?
R: We even had two-hour talks at the time she was to come to Romania and I explained to her what to bring me. We had plans, they want to put down the house where we live now and build a new one and we talked about how everything would be, about what furniture to choose… just plans.
I: And do you often make plans?
R: Yes.
I: Does she also tell you about her life there?
R: Yes. I know the field she works in… I know where she lives. She tells me. It’s a lot of work to do. She works night and day and this sucks. She is so tired. I can only call her after 1 p.m., when it is after noon in Spain. But I mostly wait for her to call me, so as to be sure she has got up. It is her who calls most often, so that I wouldn’t wake her.
I: Does she also work on weekends?
R: Except Sundays. But she does work on Saturdays.
I: Is there anyone else present in the room while you are talking to her over the phone? Is it a family conversation?
R: Oh, no. It’s no kind of on speaker conversation. It’s just between me and my Mom. After I talk to her what we have to talk, I take my phone to… when she calls she calls on the regular phone. After I finish, I take it to my grandma. Sometimes my grandpa talks with her… but we never talk at the same time.
I: When you were a little kid, were there any group conversations?
R: It wasn’t possible at that time, we had no speaker. And we couldn’t take it with you all over the house. I even recall there were a glass coffee table and a chair near it. The phone had a yellow wire. We did lots of pretty crazy things when I was a kid. At least… with my friends… we burned down a rick of straw.
I: Intentionally or unintentionally?
R: We had learned how to play with matches. We put a match stick and rubbed like that (She shows how.) We lit three at a time. The heat was rising up and in a minute we saw the straw burnt down.
I: Was it your family’s or their family’s rick?
R: Theirs.
I: Did your mother know about that?
R: Yes, she knew it right then. She had nothing more to say. We burned down a rick of straw… Grandma told them that f they needed straw they could come to us and take some. Our houses were facing one another.
I: Did your mother scold you?
R: Yes, she said “why did you do that, what if you couldn’t have got down and caught fire” …things like that…
I: Are there any things you feel you can only discuss with your mother?
R: No, frankly, no. I have the feeling that I often talk more to grandma than to Mom.
I: Or are there any issues you only discuss with your grandma and you wouldn’t discuss about them with your mother?
R: I equally discuss with both. If I forget to tell something to Mom, I suppose this doesn’t count, does it? If I forget to tell her I had a cold recently… She calls me, we talk and talk and I miss to tell her that, it doesn’t matter.
I: For instance, if you have a fight with a colleague, do you go to your grandma or you tell your mother…
R: It is grandma who tells more to Mom. Things like that, more… which imply more disagreement between the two of us, but no… she is no kind of talebearer.
I: So, if you want to tell something to your grandma, won’t she spread it out unless you want?
R: Unless I want, sure.
I: have you ever felt that something can only be told face-to-face, not through technology, in the relationship with your mother?
R: No. I haven’t had such a big secret to tell her.
I: You said your mother asks you what to bring you and she takes pictures for you. Does she send them to you in real time? I mean when she takes a picture in the store…
R: …she sends it tom e at that very moment. If I don’t answer her, she calls me: “she promptly checks on WhatsApp” and I also enter and…
I: Have you ever tried video calling through Hangouts or Skype?
R: No, only with pictures.
I: And that was only for clothes and/or sweets?
R: Not for sweets. She doesn’t know what sweets I prefer. But with clothes, maybe there’s an issue which bothers me to a certain extent, and…
I: Do you like the clothes from Spain more than those from Romania?
R: I don’t have any preferences. They are international brands and no… If I find a blouse here in a store and I know she also has a store there, she may go and see how much it is there. And we choose the more convenient price.
I: Well, for instance, do you know that Mango is much cheaper in Spain than in our country?
R: The same thing with Zara. When my folks came recently to Romania, they went to Ploiesti, to my mother’s brother, to buy school supplies for his little daughter. I also went to buy whatever I still needed. And we went to Zara. They said they had seen that blouse with the price of ninety-nine Lei, while in Spain it was ten euro. It means exactly half the money it cost there, forty-five lei. Quite a difference!
I: Corporations. Are there any other common activities with your mother, apart from shopping?
R: Nothing.
I: Any games to play?
R: She has no time for that.
I: Did she use to tell you fairy tales when you were a kid?
R: No, as long as I had grandma…
I: Have you ever showed her on the internet what you did at school. Or when you needed help have you ever asked your mother?
R: No.
I: Have you ever got a scolding from your mother, during your talk? I mean, has she ever scolded you badly, like…
R: Whenever I was naughty or made comments. (She emphasizes that.) I mean my grandma had the impression that I was making comments about everything. Even now, if something doesn’t come out as she would like to, grandma starts raising her voice and then…
I: Has your mother known that?
R: Yes, because my grandma said to her: “unless you tell her, I will”. And she asked me to tell Mom.
I: And your mother scolded you substituting your grandma, didn’t she?
R: Yes, right.
I: What does it really mean you were making comments?
R: It means I answered back, if she said something, I said “yeah, yeah, yeah” and that annoyed her.

5. Relationship with the absent parent (important stages/significant moments):
I: Do you know what your mother’s place look like?
R: Yes, I do.
I: Have you been there?
R: Not to the place she currently lives in. I went to Spain four years ago, to her former place. That was before she met Vasia, her husband. Otherwise, she sent me pictures after she had moved to and arranged their new place. I know what it is like.
I: Did she also show it to you on Skype?
R: I didn’t ask her too. If I had…
I: How many times have you been there?
R: Once. Four years ago. I was supposed to go this summer, too, but grandma had a surgery and I couldn’t leave any more.
I: And did your mother come here?
R: Yes, she was here in June.
I: Did she stay longer?
R: Not longer than usual. Grandma had four surgeries for the same problem. And… last time…
I: By the way, what’s her illness?
R: It’s her peritoneum. It has broken. She made efforts, didn’t take care of herself and so she got to the fourth surgery.
I: Do you take care of your grandma when she is…?
R: Yes, at least now I haven’t allowed her to lift, bend down….
I: How old is your grandma?
R: Fifty-six.
I: Has your mother left for good? Do you think she will come back to Romania? Does she have any plans?
R: No. I don’t think she has any plans, I don’t know, definitely not about the place we live in now. I don’t think she will return because she said she wouldn’t have a job in Romania and she could barely sit around. They have a house in Bulgaria, as owners, and she said she couldn’t see herself living in Bulgaria, or in Spain, maybe when she got old, if something happened. Anyway, I won’t remain here. I’ll go to the faculty.
I: Will you leave the country?
R: I guess so.
I: Where will you go?
R: I think I will attend college in America, I don’t know for sure. And if I leave, I don’t know is she would come to stay or live here.
I: You mentioned a new house. Isn’t it for you that they intended to rebuild?
R: Sure, for me, too, although she knows I won’t stay here. When I get married I won’t live here, particularly in the country side. But, I think yes, the house is intended for me… for me to become its owner, but that’s all. Not for me to live in or for me to live in as long as I will possibly do that. For the four years in high school.
I: How was your visit to Spain? What was your impression? Can you describe your first day there?
R: The first day. I arrived at night. My mother came and picked me up. She lived two hundred kilometers far from the place of arrival, sort of… She actually picked us. I was with my grandma mea. We went to her place. Immediately after sleeping, as we arrived in the morning, we unpacked, arranged our things… We stayed up there for about a month. It was ok. The place was cool, close to the beach. Everyday we’d go sunbathing, me and my grandma, while Mom would go to work. In the evening we’d walk along the beach, our “paseo”. We’d walk, go shopping. It was summer. I was to start school soon and I bought all my school supplies there, clothes and everything. I sent a parcel to Romania, my grandpa received it. We travelled back carrying only a handbag, as we took a flight. We came home and unpacked the parcel. That’s all.
I: How did you send the parcel?
R: There’s a lady who lives in “Transilvaniei Street” in Buzau and she is dealing with this sort of things like parcels from Spain… I think she also owns a few buses. I had been sending parcels through her ever since I was a kid.
I: How old were you?
R: Eleven.
I: Do you see any benefit in your mother’s being in Spain, either for you or for her…?
R: For both. If Mom weren’t there, I don’t know how we could have managed, because my grandma retired for medical reasons in 2007. That was ten years ago. I was six. My grandpa has 3rd degree hypertension. Anyway, my parents are separated. How much could have worked in Romania to support us all? Their pension is as small as any ordinary pension. Mom was not a super-intelligent person, she had no university studies. Therefore she couldn’t have worked in a field like banking or similar. Working in Spain, she earns almost three times a person can earn here. She has money to send me, for us to manage, and also for her living. I don’t think we could have managed like we are doing. I couldn’t have afforded buying things for myself if she had been here.
I: What about some disadvantages of her leaving?
R: Probably, if she had left after I turned four or five, I could see some disadvantages; given the circumstances, I really don’t know how everything would have worked if she had been here. I’ve grown accustomed to it. When she comes to Romania, I consider that she does it to relax, I don’t think like “Mom, I haven’t seen you for so long”. When she leaves, I don’t have… Granma cries, but I don’t have any grief. It has become something… (she raises her right shoulder)
I: Do you think there are any negative parts for your folks?
R: For my grandparents? I don’t think so.
I: Had your parents separated before they both left the country, or after?
R: As far as I’ve been told, they couldn’t get along anymore and both of them left for Spain first, but they separated. Dad went to Italy, I guess, to forget Mom, to avoid seeing each other and since then it’s been over.
I: Did your mother use to keep in touch with your primary school, middle school teachers?
R: Yes, she did. They called her. Now my form master calls her if there’s any problem. He has recently become a headmaster. And she kept calling him. I was his student. There has been nothing like telling her I had made something bad. He’d call just to talk, tell her about my marks. She used to call him when he was at school.
I: So, she is the one who calls him, not vice versa, or it also happens like that.
R: No.
I: How often does your mother come to Romania?
R: Once a year. Now, maybe it is twice a year. At least now she has to go to Bulgaria, to Vasi’s mother, because they want to install some doors to their house. They have two free weeks. And she doesn’t know for sure if she can come to Romania for a day or two, I don’t know exactly.
I: Does she also come for Holidays?
R: No. Frankly, I have never spent a Christmas or Easter holiday with my mother.
I: Then, do you talk through internet?
R: Yes.
I: And does she show you the things she prepares for the holiday at her place?…
R: She doesn’t make too many preparations. Being just the two of them, she and Vasi, they either go to a restaurant or, if she is in a better mood to cook, then she cooks. Otherwise she doesn’t. No.
I: How old is your mother?
R: Thirty-six. The people think that we are sisters when they see us in the street.
I: Do you send parcels to your mother?
R: Yes, for Christmas, when they sacrifice the pig, but through another company. We used to send them through Atlassib before. Once, Mom had several boxes in a parcel. The boxes arrived almost one by one, within two weeks. Since then, Mom has never used the services of that company. They had however been serious in the beginning.
I: And what do your parcels contain?
R: Christmas stuff. I ask her if she needs something. In Spain you cannot find handmade wooden booties. No slippers, but booties. I can find such items for both of them and I send them. Same thing about nail polish and so on…
I: How often do you send her a parcel?
R: Whenever she needs something. Now, when her brother came, they sacrificed one pig and one calf. They made barbecue after barbecue and many relatives came to our place… Mother even told me she would like some meat and I answered that her brother would go back abroad in August and then we would send a parcel through him and avoid paying that woman.
I: How often does your mother send parcels home?
R: Whenever I need something, for Easter, Christmas, New Year holidays…
I: So, you think about leaving for America. Why America?
R: Because there are much more possibilities in the field where I would like to work…
I: What is that?
R: IT.
I: Did you also study computer science in middle school?
R: Yes. Projects, various programs… I don’t know what and who. But high school cannot be compared with middle school; at least in point of computer science.
I: Have you ever thought about moving to your mother?
R: No, I haven’t. Education in Spain is the way it is… My cousin told me. She is eleven and she’s been there since she was born. And I have an idea about that. It doesn’t seem ok.
I: Does she speak Romanian?
R: Yes, and Spanish, too.
I: Has your mother ever suggested you left for Spain?
R: Yes, she has. But I wouldn’t and because I told her: “if you didn’t take me when I was little, to start the first grade there, it makes no sense to take me now. My status would be affected.
I: When did she ask you first?
R: When I passed to the fifth grade.
I: Has your father proposed you to move to Germany?
R: Yes, he has. In Germany, education has a little higher level, but I have neither gone there.
I: When did he propose you to move?
R: Last winter, to attend high school there.
I: Do you know Spanish?
R: I understand what they speak in Spanish.
I: Has your mother taught you?
R: I have learned by myself, now and then. When she came home and spoke over the phone, I asked her “what does that mean? What does that mean?”
I: How often do you meet your cousin?
R: I haven’t seen her for two years.
I: Do you talk through Skype?
R: Yes, but not daily. We do talk.
I: Facebook?
R: No. She doesn’t have the right age for it.
I: Can you describe a moment of crisis, a difficult moment in your life? Whether related or not to your mother.
R: When I had a surgery. Is it a difficult moment? I had my nasal adenoids and tonsils out without anesthesia. I had it two hours before and there was another child waiting. They took him first and I woke up exactly when they were inviting me: “Miss Milea”. And went in and had the surgery and felt and saw everything. I won’t describe what I saw. And I was so young. I was only six and a half.
I: Did you have it in Buzau or in Bucharest?
R: In Buzau, at the Railway Hospital.
I: Was your grandma with you?
R: Yes, they admitted her in hospital to accompany with me.
I: Any other moment?
R: I was nine and sleeping with my grandma mea. I didn’t like to sleep alone. My grandpa used to sleep alone. And I found her down on the floor. I was scared, tried to lift her up, but she wouldn’t. I quickly went to grandpa, woke him – he was also in panic. We called 112, they asked my grandpa about our address, the ambulance came and he also went to the hospital with her. I remained home alone. I can say it was a little trauma for me. But I wasn’t really alone. I remained with my grandpa’s mother who passed away recently. She was eighty-nine.
I: Did you call your mother to tell her? Did you feel the need to talk to her?
R: No, I could hardly know what to do. I took one of those postures and sat on top of the bed until morning. I had remained blocked. Then Grandpa came home, Grandma remained in hospital. He took the first bus, no, not a bus, a train, there were no buses at that time, and he came home, he said she was all right. She had had sort of a heart attack. I don’t know what it was with me, I had woken up and seen her down on the floor; I had been sleeping till then; I woke to drink water, I was little, I often woke up during the night and… (she raises her left shoulder)
I: Until what age did you sleep with your grandma?
R: I no longer sleep with her because I move a lot while sleeping. And she has that problem with her belly, I’m afraid not to hit her… She sleeps with grandpa now. Well, sometimes she takes me to her bosom…
I: Now about major fears… What do you fear most?
R: I don’t know. Fear in what sense?
I: For instance, I fear the death of my loved ones.
R: I have some crazy dreams. Last night you saw what it was. And I went out with boys and girls and my cousin. When we left, it was still daylight. We went out and at about eleven, when the lightning started, we came back home. When we arrived, grandma told us she was scared, because the night before my grandpa had had a dream.
She believes in lots of things like black cats and others alike. And Grandpa had had a dream in which an owl and its nine babies didn’t let him alone. I also see crazy things in my dreams. For about three or four weeks I have heard an owl howling from one until five past one. It howls a few times and goes. I don’t know whether it is adequate to say. And Granma was afraid. “What if something happens… plus your grandpa’s nightmare”… When I arrived home, she was so scared… her pulse had rose to 109. It was about lightning… “Well, what did you think? Did you think that from all those children the lightning might have hit me, exactly me?”
I: In order of preference, how do you communicate with your mother?
R: WhatsApp, Facebook, Skype, call and that’s all.
I: Do you use the internet more often than ordinary calls?
R: Internet calling.
I: That’s on the phone, but do you call her using, let’s say, a phone card?
R: To the same extent.
I: Which do you prefer, video or…? Do you ever feel you don’t want her to see you?
R: When I cried. I’m that kind of person who doesn’t show feelings. I only cry when something bad happens, God forbid. In such cases, I cannot refrain from it. Mom knows me well, she knows when I am upset, when I have cried, and I wouldn’t have liked her to see my red eyes. She called on video and I rejected. I called her using the ordinary calling and told her there was dark in the room… lies.
I: Why didn’t you want her to see you?
R: I didn’t want her to see I had cried and start asking me questions.
I: Was it really to avoid her questions or to protect her and not to upset her…
R: It was to avoid her asking me more questions, not necessarily to protect her…
I: But what had happened to you?
R: I don’t remember. Grandpa isn’t bad in his soul, but he sometimes said some words which hurt me when I was a kid. He used to make a point to stir me somehow. I suppose it was because of that… I had started crying and… I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. For one week.
I: How old were you when you rejected the video call? Do you remember?
R: It was two or three years ago.
I: And do you prefer to communicate certain things through the chat or in writing?
R: Not necessarily. It’s easier like that. If I look into her eyes and there’s something more personal, worse or I have to ask her something, she stares at me like this (she mimics). If there are more serious issues, I write her about them. Then she calls on video: “what have you done?” And that’s all. End of story. But if I ask “Mom, can I tell you something?” she will answer “Yes, I’m listening”.
I: Thank you very much for the interview.