When I go home I expect her to be there… (RO)

1. Respondent ID
1. 1. Age: 16
1. 2. Sex: M.
1. 3. Parent(s) away: Mother.
1. 4. Country: Spain.
1. 5. Parent(s) moved abroad: three years ago
1. 6. Respondent lives with: Father

2. Details of Respondent’s life before:
I: You lived together, didn’t you?
R: Da.
I: So, you saw each other every day, you were living an ordinary life. Three years ago you were 13. You were still a kid, so to say. Do you remember what you had best liked to do together with her before she left?
R: Well.. I used to play with her, I mean we solved some small games, I used to help her with the housework, and so on, she tried to teach me how to cook, to dance…
I: Really? That’s great! What kind of music?
R: All kinds.
I: Really, all kinds of music?! Does she know how to dance?
R: Yes, she does. Like a normal person, not…
I: What about the small games? What kind of games were they?
R: Cards, small games she used to play with Granma in the evening, if she had the time and I was at home.
I: You say if you were at home. Where were you then?
R: With my friends or sometimes, in the evening, we played football.
I: You like football, I guess.
R: Yes, I do like football.
I: You told me about housework? Meaning what? Vacuum cleaning?…
R: Yes, cleaning off the dust.
I: This reminds me of my mother who was very strict. What foods did she teach you to cook?
R: The usual foods… soups, fried potatoes. (He laughs.) I cooked them by myself, I taught myself! One day she left them to me… I only had to fry them. And I did it! I really c… They were good. Some friends came to me and I also fried potatoes for them. They really enjoyed the meal.
I: How often did you do such activities? Once a week?
R: Several times a week.
I: Who helped you when you needed help with your homework?
R: She didn’t really help me. I mean they taught me to do everything by myself.
I: Congratulations! You cook, play football, you do your homework alone.
R: Not so much cooking. I need help with that.
I: When you were very little and had to go to nursery, to school, who accompanied you?
R: For a short while my parents or one of them accompanied me.
I: Which of them?
R: It depended on their free time. Then I went alone, after I learned how.
I: Did you live close to your nursery, to school?
R: Not really, but I could go alone, I knew the way…
I: If a member of your family should have talked to your primary school teacher, your form master, who used to do that more often before your mother left!
R: My mother, of course…

3. Details of Respondent’s life after:
I: Do you remember the first day after your mother left abroad?
R: As soon as I got up I called her and talked and so on and… I don’t really know… that day was quite a sad day…
I: Do you remember anything special about that day?
R: No, there was nothing really special… only…
I: Rationally speaking, did you understand why she had to leave?
R: Yes, for my own sake.
I: What did you feel, do you feel about that? What are your feelings, if you can put them in words?
R: Apart from sadness, I don’t know. (He lowers his head, waves his arms, as if he wanted to get rid of that sadness.)
I: Ok, thank you. Who is now looking after you?
R: My father and sometimes, my grandma.
I: Is she your maternal or your paternal mother?
R: Paternal.
I: do you get along well with them?
R: Mda. (He laughs.) Sometimes they are rather…
I: Any discussions?
R: Small ones. Well, not with Dad, but with Grandma.
I: For what reasons? Is it because you are late or you turn the music too loud?
R: Foolish things.
I: Do you have any other relatives in Buzău?
R: Not too many, not in this region.
I: But where?
R: Well, I have some in Bucharest, Vaslui, Iași.
I: While your mother was abroad, did you have any difficult health problems? Did you have to see a doctor or to stay in hospital?
R: No, only slight colds and one broken arm.
I: How did you break your arm? Playing football or how?
R: It was in winter, I fell, I ran and fell. It was not really broken, only dislocated. I didn’t go to the doctor immediately.
I: You thought you would go over it.
R: No, there weren’t lots of pain… and I pushed and pushed it and the pain started. I could hardly move it.
I: Who accompanied you to the doctor?
R: My father.
I: Do you have any friends or colleagues whose parents also left abroad?
R: I had one. His mother was abroad, but now she is in the country.
I: Do you feel closer to him than to the rest of your friends or colleagues just because there were more common subjects to talk about, like ” I’ve talked to Mom today”, “I haven’t talk to Mom today”?
R: No, no. My parents… I don’t compare them with all… Well, I have three or four friends. Who are… like my brothers, but from a different mother, so to say. We find a common subject and speak about it.
I: Do you feel your friends and colleagues treat you differently because they know your mother is abroad? Do they envy or pity you?
R: No. They have no reason to. Well, one can see a little sadness on my face …
I: What did your mother do here?
R: (he lowers his head.) I don’t know how to put it. He had a job. (He hesitates.) She was… sometimes a saleswoman and sometimes she replaced some of her colleagues and made bakery products.
I: Your mother started with washing dishes in the kitchen of a restaurant, at that time she was a kitchen porter. Well, anyway, then she worked in a plastic processing plant. What next? Do you know what she does abroad?
R: Well, sometimes she is a cook, she cooks for her colleagues, sometimes, if she has any time left, she goes to help with their work in the field.
I: She works on a farm.
R: Yes.
I: Does she send you any presents?
R: Presents? Do you mean money? (He laughs.)
I: Does she send you money, not items:
R: No, items are usually… she once sent me a tablet. In general she brings items when she comes home.
I: Items such as?
R: Such as… when she came last year she brought me a ball, she knew I wanted one, a football uniform, boots and other stuff like that.
I: Does she send money especially for you, sort of ten euro for you to have in your pocket?
R: Sometimes. Yes, and because I need to buy some things for myself and also to have some pocket money…
I: Is there anything you hope for, would like to buy with the money your mother earns working abroad?
R: (He laughs.) Now I can’t wait to be 18 and get a driving license. That’s what I want; some friends let me drive their car… sure, not on the road…
I: I see. It was on a special ground!
R: Yes. And I really enjoyed it. It was such a feeling…. And I could really manage and I said to myself that when mother came home I would get my license and buy a car. But other than that I didn’t really think what I would like to do.
I: So, you would like to buy your own car!
R: Yes. Well, I also try to do that with the money I’ll make working, not only with her money.
I: Obviously. After you finish high school will you go to college or start working or what else?
R: Yes, that’s what I want. To try to get to college and work at the same time, to make some money for myself while in college.

4. Internet-based communications
*Technical
I: Do you have internet access at home?
R: Yes, I do.
I: On what devices, smart phone, tablet, computer?
R: I’ve got a router and also have internet on the phone and the computer and all.
I: Who pays the subscription?
R: No subscription… a card.
I: Is it more convenient than a subscription?
R: I don’t know, I mean … if I haven’t had one, what can I say?
I: And who pays for the card?
R: Well, it depends. I take money from both Mom and Dad. (He laughs.)
I: Had you had internet at home before your mother left?
R: Yes, we had, the same as I have it now.
I: Since when?
R: She’s been out of the country for about a year, I don’t remember exactly, but I’ve got the internet for six or seven years, I guess.
I: Who bought it?
R: The old way. I came up with the idea and they talked and it was possible, they agreed.
I: Did they give it to you as a birthday present?
R: No, I simply told them I needed it and that was true, I needed it for school and others and also for my own pleasure, just to have it…
I: Have you ever written any letters by hand?
R: No, but I was near Mom when she was writing, I only used to read them.
I: Did your mother write letters?
R: Yes, she sent them to my grandparents. Well, now she no longer writes letters, she just calls or texts.
I: Do you communicate through internet with your friends and colleagues and relatives who live in other parts of the country?
R: Yes, I do.
I: Through what software?
R: Well, Messenger and WhatsApp.
I: So, you do have a Facebook account.
R: Sure.
I: Does your mother have one?
R: No, she doesn’t. I really wanted to create one for her, but she didn’t agree with that, I mean for the moment she doesn’t really know how to use it. And I have just a little more to show her and then… especially now, with the Facebook, she could post something or…I don’t know what.
I: Then how do you communicate with her?
R: Well, over the phone and …I had also installed her the WhatsApp, to see each other, too. But I only tried once and, since then, we’ve just been calling each other.
I: So, only audio.
R: Yes.
I: Who is the one who usually calls: you or your mother?
R: Both.
I: When did you learn to use the internet?
R: Well, I had known how to use it before…
I: Where from?
R: I had also some better friends… Mom used to visit their parents and she also took me and I spent the time with them and they showed me what and how to do.
I: Did you learn to use the internet searching for games or music?
R: Both.
I: Have there been cases where you would have liked to talk to your mother, but you couldn’t?
R: No, I mean she answers when I call her and need to…
I: Do you also use the email?
I: No, I don’t.

*Content.
I: How often do you talk to your mother?
R: Sometimes… every day. Sometimes…
I: What if it is more seldom?
R: Every two or three days.
I: Do you remember your first audio communication with your mother? You told me you had called her.
R: She hadn’t got out of the country yet.
I: Did she leave by plane or by bus?
R: By coach. And we didn’t really talk about the things we had usually discussed before. We tried to have sort of a different talk, not too much, generally. After she had arrived there, we started talking about other things, too.
I: To tell you about how things were going like there.
R: Yes.
I: Would you like to talk to her more often?
R: When we talk, we tell each other everything. And the next day, if we call each other, we don’t really… (He laughs.) We just chat about some things, if we find any to talk about.
I: Is it what you usually talk about?
R: No, it’s not.
I: Ok.
R: I don’t know, until recently she told me about Grandma who was not feeling good, she got in hospital and things like that and now we’ve started talking about that, I mean she always brings it up.
I: Does she ask what you would like her to send or bring you?
R: No, I sometimes tell her what. (He laughs.)
I: So, you ask her.
R: Yes.
I: When you talk to your mother, is there anyone else around or your talks are always one-to-one? Is your father or your grandmother in the same room?
R: Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
I: And if they are around, do they interrupt you?
R: They wait for me to finish and then… (He laughs.)
I: Are there any things you feel you can only discuss about with your mother?
R: Yes, there are.
I: Can you tell me what they are?
R: (He laughs, shaking his head.)
I: Have you ever felt that certain things can only be told face-to-face?
R: No, I can also tell them over the phone.
I: Do you tell her about how you manage at school?
R: Sure. She is the one who usually asks about that.
I: Do you tell her everything?
R: Sometimes. (He laughs.) Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. But I tell her eventually.
I: Does she ever scold you while talking on the phone? Is it because of your marks or because of other reasons?
R: She tells me what to do if I get a poor mark, sort of… she tells me to improve it, to pay more attention, to…
I: Can she communicate with your teachers or your form teacher through phone? Does she talk to them?
R: Well, during this period, I’ve just started school and she hasn’t called them, but last year she did. Or my form teacher calls my father and he tells Mom.

5. Relationship with the absent parent (important stages/significant moments):
I: You said your mother left again last March, didn’t she? How often does she come to Romania?
R: Now, well, she may come in December. It depends when she finishes work.
I: Tell me, what did you two do when she last came?
R: We visited relatives, went sightseeing…
I: How long did she stay home?
R: Well, she came in December and left in…
I: She stayed for a few months.
R: And she also stayed at my grandparents, I couldn’t go with her.
I: In December. It means you spent the winter holidays together.
R: Yes, we did.
I: How was Christmas? What about the New Year’s Eve? Do you still go trick-or-treating?
R: I went with some friends. Well, there’s no longer that feeling I had when… like it was when I was little, because… Well, basically… I mean it’s normal, we are all sit around as a family, Grandma also comes to our place and…
I: Do you trim a Christmas tree?
R: Sure.
I: Do you all decorate it together?
R: Sometimes. But I do that alone.
I: Let’s speak about last Christmas. Who brought the Christmas tree home?
R: We have an artificial one.
I: Do you live in a house or in an apartment?
R: A house.
I: Who decorated the tree for the last Christmas?
R: I did.
I: Do you usually put the presents under the Christmas tree?
R: I prepare them some presents, sort of Santa is coming, but I don’t put them under… I just…
I: We also do like that. On Christmas Eve we take the gift boxes from the places we had hidden them and we exchange presents. Tell me, have you ever been to your mother?
R: No, I haven’t. I wanted once, but I couldn’t. I had no place to stay in.
I: What do you know about the place she lives in?
R: Well, she said there was a forest nearby and they live I don’t know how far from the city. That’s all.
I: Are there several people living in the same room or they have each their own room?
R: She said there were several colleagues living in the same room with her.
I: Did she tell you about her work there or you know it from the other relatives?
R: I know it from Mom.
I: Would you like to go there?
R: Yes, I would like to…
I: To go on holiday or to move there in Spain?
R: No, just on holiday.
I: Aren’t you tempted to leave abroad?
R: No, I’m not.
I: Is your mother determined to leave for good or she wants to return at a certain moment?
R: No, not for good. She wants to return.
I: When could that be?
R: I told you, probably in December.
I: When does she want to return for good?
R: Well, when she comes back, it will be over! (He laughs.) She will stay. If she decides that, if not…
I: Do you feel there are any benefits from your mother’s being abroad? Financial ones…
R: Yes, she doesn’t have so many troubles as she would have here, working harder for less money and…
I: Do you feel independent?
R: In a way.
I: You say there are not any things you wouldn’t tell your mother.
R: No, even if I don’t tell her that very day… it takes… When I feel it is the right moment to tell her, then I tell her!
I: Great! Are there any negative parts of your mother’s being abroad? If you can detail it, apart from the state of mind you told me about, which can very well be seen.
R: Do you mean sort of.. when I go home I expect her to be there, to…
I: I understand she usually comes home in December and leaves back in March.
R: Approximately.
I: You have the chance to spend the winter holidays together.
R: Yes.
I: When is your birthday?
R: Twelfth February.
I: I see, you also spend your birthday together.
R: Sure.
I: I want to thank you very much.