He does for me everything I want (RO)

1. Respondent ID
1. 1. Age: 17
1. 2. Sex. M.
1. 3. Parent(s) away: Father
1. 4. Parent(s) moved abroad: 14 years ago.
1. 5. Country: Spain (Gran Canaria).
1. 6. Respondent lives with: Mother.

2. Details of Respondent’s life before:
I: Your father left abroad fourteen years ago, when you were three. Do you remember anything about that period before you were three?
R: Absolutely nothing. I was too young and couldn’t know…
I: Let me put it another way: I myself have a few flashes from my toddlerhood: an apricot tree in bloom, my mother’s face, the picture of me travelling by train…
R: I only carry my father’s picture around in my head or at least I guess so; only his picture while he was packing and getting ready to leave.
I: Do you think or did your mother tell you that you were playing with him before his departure?
R: Yes, he loved me very much, we always went to the park and Mom told me he loved me very much and we walked together, I mean he took me with him everywhere, we played football.
I: He moved abroad, you started school. Who helps you or has helped you with your homework?
R: Mom. She has helped me with absolutely everything, supported me in everything I’ve done. She’s always been a mother and a father for me.
I:Did she accompany you to school when you were a kid?
R: Yes, she did, always.
I: What do you remember from your toddlerhood?
R: I only remember the days I spent with Mom (his voice trembles) and those pictures of me and Dad walking in the park.
3. Details of Respondent’s life after:
I: Why did he have to leave abroad?
R: Well, my parents divorced because Dad had made something wrong and he got to jail (his voice trembles.) And they had to divorce. Then Dad had to go to work in Spain, where he could find a job, he is working as a cook, and sends me money every month.
I: I see! Then your relationship does exist.
R: Yes, sure.
I: This is a special situation. Can you tell me what you feel? Couldn’t he go on living in Romania?
R: No, he couldn’t, because he had some problems I cannot tell you about, but I love him very much, we keep in touch. Last summer I went to him and stayed for two months, that is I spent almost the whole summer with him there because he has a house in Gran Canaria and is building one here in Stâlpu Village, in our county
I: Then, you are being looked after by…
R: My mother. I can also take care of myself, because Mom is almost always out. She comes home around six every evening. She also works on Saturdays, but on Sundays she stays home all day long. Therefore, I take care of myself, I can manage.
I: Do you get along well with your mother?
R: Very well.
I: Do you have any other relatives in Buzău?
R: Yes, I have an aunt and an uncle, a married couple, in Buzău and one more uncle in Bucharest.
I: How do you and your mother get along with those who live in Buzău?
R: Very well.
I: I suppose that during these fourteen years you have had to go to doctor, to hospital… Who was with you?
R: I was in hospital once, when I was little, I was around eleven, because I had swallowed chorine. (He laughs.) I swallowed chlorine by mistake. I was little, fool and drank chlorine.
I: Was it that solution sold for hygiene purposes?
R: Yes, I swallowed a full mouth of that and found myself in hospital. Mom called the ambulance and took me to hospital and stayed with me. She has always been both a mother and a father for me. That’s all.
I: When I was like two years old I swallowed some kerosene.
R: (He laughs.)
I: I suppose they made you some lavage…
R: Probably. Mom told me that had, but I cannot remember that either, I was very scared, I was shocked, and…
I: Any other more difficult health problems?
R: I’ve almost never had health troubles. Actually, I’m fond of motorbikes, motors… I’ve had a big ATV and I like speed and I flipped it over. I was serious enough. I had a hematoma and got to “Bagdasar” Hospital in Bucharest. I was lucky they sent me home immediately, the next day. It wasn’t so serious, I had cut my heel but they repaired it, it’s ok. I also had two broken teeth, and so on… (He laughs.)
I: Where did the accident happen?
R: We live in a house in Ogrăzi Village, Merei Commune. There was no bitumen road there, nobody cares for it. Nobody cares of nothing. I went over a bump at high speed and I lost control and bam! I flipped over.
I: Who accompanied you to Bucharest?
R: The paramedics and mother followed me in a car.
I: Do you still drive the ATV?
R: Oh, I do. I love it.
I: At high speeds?
R: At high speeds.
I: Take care. I say that as an older person. Do your friends or colleagues have parents who left the country?
R: No.
I: Do they know your father is away?
R: Yes, they know my father is away.
I: Do you feel that some of them envy you or pity you?
R: No, never. My friends support me in everything I do because I know how to select my friends. I only choose those who go on the same line as I go.
I: Can you tell me what your father worked here?
R: My father was a waiter at Millenium Hotel, in Bariera Brăilei.
I: What does he do abroad?
R: In Spain? He works as a cook.
I: Does he send you any presents?
R: He does, for my birthday. He sends money almost every month and whenever he can he sends me parcels…
I: Does he send money to you or to your mother and he says ten euro is for the boy, as pocket money?
R: No, no, he sends to Mom through MoneyGram. He usually sends one hundred euro once a month or once in two months, it depends when he can. Mom picks up the cash and she gives it to me. She keeps nothing for herself, she gives it to me. And I go to buy clothes with that money.
I: Doesn’t she keep any money? But you need it for paying utilities…
R: No, no, Mom can manage with the money she earns from her work.
I: Can you tell me what your mother works?
R: Yes, she is a manager at a Plafar store and she also has rented out an apartment, actually a beauty salon.
I: Is it anything you want and hope to get with the money received from your father?
R: No, I don’t want to get anything. (He speaks precipitously). I only want him to finish the house he is building here, to move to town, so that we could see each other more often and all the time.
I: I understand that while he has a house abroad he is building another one here.
R: He lodges there and he is building his own house here.
I: At a certain moment he will move here.
R: Yes, at a certain moment, meaning in two or three years, as he said. (His voice trembles) Because he has had the house raised, isolated it, if I use the proper word, and hopes that in two or three years he will start housekeeping, end it all and move here.
4. Internet-based communications.

*Technical.
I: You have internet access at home, don’t you?
R: Yes.
I: On computer, laptop…?
R: On phone, computer, laptop and tablet.
I: Who pays for the subscription?
R: Mom pays the subscription; she pays absolutely everything related to me and I buy extra things with the money I receive from Dad.
I: How long have you got the internet?
R: Since I was twelve years old, I guess. It was then that I got my first computer.
I: Did you get it on a special occasion?
R: Yes, for my birthday.
I: Matei, my son, also received a computer for his birthday. Tell me, have you ever written any letters by hand?
R: Yes, I have, I’ve got handwritten letters; I told Mom I wanted to send Dad a letter, just like that; we could talk over the phone, but I wanted to write him a letter, to write a letter to my father, because he wrote me, too, when he couldn’t call me. He sent us pictures of me when I was little, pictures which mother hadn’t either.
I: He took them with him to Spain when he left.
R: Right.
I: There was a period when you wrote each other by hand…
R: Yes, yes, yes.
I: Do you still do it?
R: No, we no longer write letters by hand. Now, with the technology… Video-call, and…
I: Do you use the internet to communicate with your friends?
R: Sure. Facebook, WhatsApp, Messenger.
I: You do have a Facebook account.
R: I do.
I: Does your father have one?
R: Yes.
I: How do you prefer to communicate with him?
R: On WhatsApp, we call each other with the video option on. It seems it’s the best way. It works well enough… whatever.
I: Who is the one that usually calls? Is that you or your father?
R: Dad calls me, because he works in three shifts and I don’t know exactly when and how he works. He sometimes calls me during my classes. When I have an easier class, I answer him. I put my headphones on and I talk to him.
I: What do your teachers say about that?
R: They cannot see me. (We both laugh.)
I: How did you learn to use the internet? Had you known to use a computer before you got one?
R: No; Mom taught me, because she had worked as a secretary for the County Council and had used a computer. Meanwhile I also learned by myself and now I can program, I know how to do very many things on the computer.
I: I see. You are not just a user.
R: No, I know to make servers for games, online servers. I know how to do many things. But I wouldn’t like to take this line.
I: What would you like to do?
R: I’d join the army. I’m very keen to the army.
I: Would you choose a certain branch? Do you want to become a flier?
R: Yes, I want to go to the officer training school in Brașov, for the air force.
I: So I guessed… Would you like to pilot an F16?
R: That would be great.
I: What else do you do on the computer, apart from communicating with your friends?
R: I play on the computer, I also complete projects for school, I am the one who usually complete all the projects for school.
I: So, you use Facebook to communicate with your father…
R: Messenger! I use Messenger!
I: And you also use WhatsApp, don’t you?
R: Yes, WhatsApp, too.
I: Were there any situation where you would have liked to talk to him but you couldn’t, or you had to delay it by an hour or two or three hours…?
R: Yes, I had to, because sometimes it was me who couldn’t talk because I had to be at school at a certain hour or sometimes it was he who couldn’t. I mean he did call, but only for one minute, maximum two minutes, because he was during a break and then he had to…
I: To be more specific: if there was something you felt you had to ask then or communicate then, that was not possible!
R: Yes, there were such situations, but I sent him a message and he answered when that was possible for him. But when I needed help when he was here, I had some troubles at school because of some friends of mine, friends in inverted commas and I didn’t want to upset Mom, as I hate upsetting her, I called Dad. He was in Romania, at Stâlpu, and I said “come quickly to school, I’ve got into some trouble at school”. He did come very quickly, in about ten minutes, I think. I don’t know how he arrived so fast, but he solved the issue.
I: Was there any situation that was impossible to solve, any concrete case?
R: I cannot tell you something concrete, I don’t remember such a case.
I: You don’t use emails any more, do you?
R: No, they are gone. Yes. (He laughs.)

*Content
I: How often do you talk to your father?
R: Every two days or even every day sometimes.
I: Your first communication was long ago…
R: Yes. Even when he arrived after about… I knew nothing of him for five years. I only saw him when I grew up, I met him first. (His voice trembles.) I did hear him, I… yes.
I: Do you remember that first talk?
R: No, I don’t.
I: You say he is the one who usually calls, right?
R: Right. He calls me.
I: And you also call him from time to time, don’t you?
R: I do call him from time to time.
I: Would you like to talk to him more often?
R: Sure, I would like that, but it isn’t possible, I am at school, he is at work…
I: What do you usually talk about?
R: About school, how I am doing at school, if I have any problem… he also gives me some behavior advice when I tell him something I did wrong and he tells me how to do, because, you see, he has a man’s perspective, different from Mom’s, he can tell me some other things.
I: What did you last talk about?
R: he called, asked me about school, how I was doing, because this is what he always asks me: “how are you doing at school? – he doesn’t ask how I am, though – “how are things at school?” (He laughs.) Yes. Then I asked him how his work was going. He said he had to save some more money and that’s all. After that, he asked me how Mom was, well, small stuff…
I: Does he also talk to your mother?
R: Yes, he does, but he calls her less often, about once a week.
I: Does he ask what you would like him to send or bring you?
R: Yes, he always asks me what I would like him to send, what… (His voice trembles.) He asks if I need more money, but I usually tell him “send me whatever you want, I don’t need money” and he sends me something. Yes.
I: Have you ever asked him to send you a certain item, when you needed…?
R: No.
I: You rely on his judgment.
R: Yes, sure. I’ve never called him to say I needed something and ask him to send me something. No, he did send me something.
I: Is your mother or someone else around while you are talking to your father?
R: Yes, yes, yes!
I: Then the conversation may be held in three?
R: Yes, yes! I talk… put him on speaker and both Mom and I talk to him.
I: As you said, thanks to technology, the feeling of being together with him is more powerful.
R: Yes, I very much like to talk to him, but… if this is the only thing we can do, because he is out of the country, we cannot do better.
I: Are there any things you feel you can only discuss with him?
R: No, because everything I had to say when I had something to say I turned to Mom. Dad has always been the second.
I: Your relationship with your mother is very close.
R: Very close.
I: Like my relationship with my mother.
R: Right.
I: Are there any things you feel you can only tell your father face-to-face?
R: Yes, there are, things like what really happened between him and Mom (his voice trembling), how he got to jail, there are things I can only discuss with him face-to-face. I mean I don’t have the same feeling when I talk over the phone, I cannot find my words.
I: I suppose one day you will sit face-to-face, like that, and talk about all these things, won’t you?
R: He was here that day and we discussed about all these, because it was the first time he came to me. Last summer I went to him we stayed so long together because, you see, he always came for two months and left away for two years.
I: Did you feel that discussion put some order in your life?
R: Yes, I feel much better now that I told him about all these issues.
I: That you told him what you felt.
R: Right.
I: And he also told you what had happened.
R: Right. I feel much better now that I told him what bugs me about and he told me everything that happened between Mom and him… it was great!
I: Does he ask what you would like him to bring you?
R: No, I rely on his intuition.
I: Do you show him what you have done at school?
R: I don’t tell him about my marks and everything, he hasn’t involved too much in my education. I mean, besides money, he couldn’t involve, come to school, he couldn’t…
I: Has he ever scolded you?
R: Yes, he scolded me over the phone and when I was at his place. I told you, I called him once to come to school because I had messed up. And I had an earful from him. He punished me because of I don’t know what, but you see, as I don’t stay with him all the time, I just say: ‘Ok, ok, go on!”

5. Relationship with the absent parent (important stages/significant moments):
I: You say he comes to Romania every now and then, doesn’t he?
R: he does.
I: You said once in two years.
R: Right. Once in two years. And now I hope he will come back for good. I mean that’s what he told us.
I: When did he last come home?
R: Last year.
I: How long has he been away?
R: Two months and a half, almost three months.
I: Did you have any common activities?
R: Yes, we did. We went together to play football, to eat pizza, to drink coffee every day…
I: Did you really play football.
R: Yes, we did.
I: How old is he?
R: Forty-six.
I: He is in good physical health, isn’t he?
R: A little belly. But he is in very good physical condition. (He laughs.)
I: Who plays better, you or him?
R: I play better.
I: You mean you have a better technique?
R: I’ve got a better technique, but… I like best to play with my friends. I’m not into football too much, he loves it. He watches matches. I’m into kickboxing. I’m the national junior vice champion of this year, in male below 55 kg.
I: Congratulations!
R: Thank you!
I: I can see you have a nice build… Very interesting! Is it a yearly championship?
R: Yes, it’s… its name is The Romanian Kickboxing Federation and deals with juniors only, even seniors. The matches are not the same as Moroșanu organizes in superleague, but they are qualified, on some sort of contract, so to say, and … in juniors last year I won the silver medal in a nine-pyramid.
I: Congratulations from the bottom of my heart!
R: Thank you.
I: You say you visited him. What impressed you highly?
R: The island is wonderful. It’s a very beautiful island and some people pay lots of money to live there. I was there sort of freely. Besides, the landscape is amazing, the island itself is amazing, the ocean, the Atlantic Ocean, is very warm, it’s super-warm on the shore and the place is particularly superb. Bananas everywhere, in the trees, you can pick one anytime…
I: What about the people there?
R: The people … there… they… I cannot say there’s so much stealing. Except that it’s an exotic island, there are very many Moroccans there who steal and deal with drug trafficking. While I was there a ship full of cocaine was discovered in the port, a few tons of cocaine.
I: Where does your father live? You say he has a house?
R: He lodges there. He’s been lodging for a long time.
I: In an apartment?
R: Yes, in an apartment.
I: In a block or a house?
R: In a house.
I: How many rooms?
R: Two rooms, one bathroom and a dining room.
I: Is it ok? Is it furnished?
R: Yes, it’s super-ok.
I: Can you describe your first day after you came back home?
R: I would go there again anytime. The first day when I came back home and I woke up I thought I was still there, ready to put on my bathing suit and go to the beach. Then I realized I was home and I was a little sorry I had left that place, I mean I felt… apart from being so far from Dad… the respective location, I was really sorry I had left. Even if I like it better when I am home.
I: Do you like home more?
R: Yes, I do.
I: Apart from wanting to grab your bathing suit and go bathing, is there anything special about that day?
R: I felt I wanted to go back there because Dad really indulges my every whim there. If I tell him something he will take action immediately. I don’t know how that is possible. You see…because he is far from me for such a long time he does for me everything I want.
I: Would you like to go there again?
R: Anytime.
I: On holiday or for good?
R: Only on holiday. I wouldn’t leave home.
I: You wouldn’t leave home or Romania?
R: I wouldn’t leave Romania. It’s a very funny country. From all points of view it’s a country where, if you don’t laugh you cannot live because it’s a sad enough country. Nobody cares for nothing.
I: You know the saying: “A sad, but full of humor country.”
R: Right.
I: Right? Besides the fact that it amuses you and makes you cry at the same time, what exactly keeps you in Romania? You were there and could see a different world! What here?
R: I feel home. It’s the feeling of not being home. When I get to Buzău, effectively in Buzău I feel I can breathe.
I: Even when you come from Bucharest or Ploiești?
R: Yes, yes. Effectively I feel I can breathe. I like to be in my own yard, in my own bed.
I: So, you say your father wants to return in two or three years from now, doesn’t he?
R: Right.
I: Are there any advantages from his being abroad? Let’s take the material side first.
R: Yes, There are some advantages, because he couldn’t have found a job after the situation he had been in here. Nobody would have hired him except as a day laborer and he couldn’t accept that. And he decided he’d better leave. He saw it was ok enough there, he remained there and in terms of well-off, it’s…
I: From another point of view, in terms of independence, there is nobody here to pull out your ears…
R: Mom pulls my ears anytime, she slaps me anytime, however old I may be because, after all, she’s my mother and whatever I do she will love me. I’ve always rely on her; she has always helped me with any problem I’ve had.
I: You say you don’t tell your father about all of your marks, so…
R: No, I don’t.
I: You protect him.
R: Right. (He laughs.)
I: What about your mother? Does she know all your marks?
R: Some of them, in some subjects.
I: Are there any negative aspects of your father’s being far away?
R: There are many enough. Because, as I told you, some issues Mom which explains to me in a way might be explained differently by Dad, from his own perspective, a man’s perspective. Beyond his leaving when I was so little and I don’t know how it is to have a father, being raised by Mom alone, I get sad when I hear about him. I feel sad. But otherwise it’s ok, I’m very happy with Mom, with… with Dad, and I just feel really, really, really good!
I: Please tell me once again when he last came home.
R: Two years ago.
I: Can you tell me what you did last Christmas, from the twenty-fourth until the twenty-fifth of December? Do you usually trim a Christmas tree?
R: We do, me and Mom, trim a tree.
I: Do you buy a natural tree or is it an artificial one?
R: Artificial. In addition, we have enough trees in our garden.
I: Do you also decorate them?
R: No, we only decorate the tree in the house.
I: Is it you or your mother who decorates it?
R: Both of us, me and Mom and my girlfriend.
I: Very touching! So, you decorate the tree and then what? Do you put the presents under the tree or you pass them out directly…
R: Well, we take them out from the places we had hidden them and we pass them out. Then we have dinner, we talk, go to sleep, wake up the next day. (He laughs.)
I: Do you call your father?
R: Sure, we always call him on Christmas, on New Year’s Eve…
I: I guess you don’t stay with your mother on New Year’s Eve, but go to the party with your girlfriend…
R: Right. For New Year’s Eve, yes… Christmas is about family. I’ve always been with my uncles, Mom, everybody, we’ve been all family.
I: It was nice talking to you. Thank you.